[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Double Impact (1991): Breakdown by Rantbo Twin brothers, separated as babies, re-unite and rather than discuss the odd coincidence that they both have a knot on their foreheads in the exact same place—team-up and take on organized crime in Hong Kong. [THE EXECUTION] When one JCVD isn’t enough, why not have two? Makes … Read moreDouble Your Van Damme, Double Your Fun
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Hercules In New York (1970): Breakdown by Kain424 The Greek half-god grows bored and descends from Olympia to live among humans. After a series of hilarious (read as completely unfunny) hijinks, he learns what it is to be human and understand his place in the universe. [THE EXECUTION] Far in the deep past, … Read moreArnold’s First Film
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Doomsday (2008): Breakdown by Rantbo Studio Head: So, what’s your idea? Neil Marshall: Well, I want to make an homage film to 80s sci-fi, set in a post-apocalyptic UK. Studio Head: Hmm, and who do you see starring in it? Neil Marshall: OK, my idea on that is—wait do you know who Snake … Read moreHomageday: Originality Has An Expiration Date
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Tournament (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo Wanna play a game? “30 contestants—24 hours—1 rule—kill or die. Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets—the Tournament has begun.” [THE EXECUTION] In the tradition of ASSASSINS, BATTLE ROYALE and THE RUNNING MAN, comes THE TOURNAMENT. Essentially, an unauthorized remake of the 1997 action/thriller MEAN GUNS, the plot … Read moreMeaner Guns
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991): Breakdown by Kain424 Two more terminators are sent back in time, one to assassinate a young John Connor and the other to protect him. [THE EXECUTION] There are many who say the Action genre hit its peak with T2, and one can see why. Alternately one of the … Read moreT2: The Ultimate Sequel
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Azumi (2003): Breakdown by Rantbo Gorgeous teenage girl slaughters half of Japan in protest of violence and bloodshed. [THE EXECUTION] Back in 2002, I got really into ordering awesome/fucked-up looking Asian cultish cinema via shady internet sites. Amongst my early finds was Ryûhei Kitamura’s now semi-renowned Japanese samurai zombie shoot ‘em up, VERSUS. … Read moreHA-ZUUU-MAY!!!: The Movie
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Rock (1996): Breakdown by Rutledal Die Hard on Alcatraz. A chemical super-freak and a former spy have to prevent a group of mercenaries from blowing up San Francisco. [THE EXECUTION] You might have noticed that Michael Bay does not hold a high star at the AOBG office*. This is because he dedicates … Read moreThis Movie Doesn’t Just Roll, It Rocks.
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Action Of The Tiger (1957): Breakdown by Kain424 Mercenary attempts to smuggle ex-Communists and children to Greece from Communist Albania. [THE EXECUTION] Before he brought James Bond to the big screen with 1962’s Dr. No, Terence Young was a British action and thriller director. Young’s films often featured world-weary heroes reluctantly forced into … Read moreAction Of The Tiger
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] American Ninja (1985): Breakdown by Rantbo A Private in the military proves he is an army of one, as he takes on an island of arms-dealing ninjas—with his own brand of WHITE NINJA MAGIC! [THE EXECUTION] “Have you ever heard of ninjitsu, sir? The secret art of assassination. Well, according to witnesses testimony … Read moreCaucasian Ninja Magic!
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Wrecking Crew (1969): Breakdown by Kain424 Intelligence and Counter Espionage (ICE) agent Matt Helm is dispatched to find and retrieve a billion dollars in stolen gold. [THE EXECUTION] Because of the popularity of James Bond, knock-off spy films began appearing all over the place in the 1960s. The Wrecking Crew is one … Read moreThe Wrecked Movie