The 5th Film By Quentin Tarantino

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Grindhouse: Thunder Bolt Death Proof [Extended & Unrated](2007): Breakdown by Rantbo Q. What if Tarantino made a late-70s, early-80s horror movie about a ‘Slasher’ that used his connections working in the movie business to choose his victims, and instead of killing them off one-by-one with a knife, he used his stunt-car to claim … Read moreThe 5th Film By Quentin Tarantino

Vampires, Kung Fu and Techno

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Blade (1998): Breakdown by Kain424 Half vampire/half human vampire hunter kills vampires.  Really, that’s about it. [THE EXECUTION] Before the X-Men movies jumpstarted the comic book movie decade, there were only a few good comic book movies.  The Punisher, The Crow, arguably the first two Batman films, and Blade (for why Superman sucks, … Read moreVampires, Kung Fu and Techno

Planet Terror, Project Kleenex

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Grindhouse: Planet Terror [Extended & Unrated](2007): Breakdown by Rantbo Q. What if that guy who made the Mexico Trilogy and FROM DUSK TILL DAWN (FDTD), directed an 80s style John Carpenter flick about the Zombie Apocalypse? A. PLANET TERROR. [THE EXECUTION] Planet Terror, as described by my in-head observations: -Mmm, sexy. -Hey, it’s … Read morePlanet Terror, Project Kleenex

Transformers!!! michael bay Rapes My Eyes.

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Transformers (2007): Breakdown by Rantbo michael bay sells almost 3 hours of advertisement space in an action movie, which is actually a [Er-ERR-Eee-ERR] teen sex comedy in disguise. [THE EXECUTION] The story goes a little something like this: A horny teenager named Sam is trying really, REALLY hard to stick his penis in … Read moreTransformers!!! michael bay Rapes My Eyes.

Aliens: A Facehugging Love Story

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Aliens [Director’s Cut](1986): Breakdown by Kain424 A team of tough-as-nails Space Marines head to a colony that’s been wiped out due to space aliens.  Awesome ensues. [THE EXECUTION] Alien was a landmark in film, successfully combining science fiction ideas with horror and monster movie conventions, it still holds up today as a masterpiece.  … Read moreAliens: A Facehugging Love Story

Petty Men And Female Cops

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Inspector Wears Skirts (1988) a.k.a. Bong Wong Fa: Breakdown by Kain424 An elite team of female operatives are trained by Sibelle Hu and Cynthia Rothrock in this Kung Fu comedy adventure. [THE EXECUTION] This is one of those films with an interesting concept handled in the most immature manner possible.  Of course, … Read morePetty Men And Female Cops

BloodStayne

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] BloodRayne (2005): Breakdown by Rantbo Kristanna Loken ruins her career, Elizabeth Berkley style, as a blood(and just plain old)sucking dhampir. [THE EXECUTION] Though the plot is pretty high-concept, I’ll do my best to explain. Rayne is a globe-trotting dhampir (child of a vampire and a human—think BLADE, with tits) in search for her … Read moreBloodStayne

From Tarantino Till Rodriguez

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] From Dusk Till Dawn (1996): Breakdown by Rantbo Criminals rob, kill, rape, kidnap and escape to a Mexican strip-club, where—SURPRISE! There’s Vampires. [THE EXECUTION] “OK vampire killers, lets kill some fuckin’ vampires!” In the mid-nineties, it was harder to get more cool than a Tarantino or Rodriguez joint, so when the two backlot … Read moreFrom Tarantino Till Rodriguez

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