[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Punisher (1989): Breakdown by Rantbo What if Paul Kersey was an insane 6’5”, muscle-bound Swede? [THE EXECUTION] Aside from the overblown budgets and overuse of computer graphics, my biggest gripe with this past decade’s action of popular choice, the Super-Hero film, are the painful, over-long and unnecessary origin stories. I attribute this … Read moreThe Punisher: Judge, Jury, Executioner, Sado-Masochist
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Heroine (1973) a.k.a. Ru jing cha a.k.a. Rumble In Hong Kong a.k.a. Police Woman: Breakdown by Kain424 A cop searches for the gang that killed her sister with the aid of a taxi driver who’s being harassed by the same gang. [THE EXECUTION] After starring in Little Tiger Of Canton, Jackie Chan … Read moreJackie Chan Moles And Policewomen
[THE CLASSIFIED INTEL] Casino Royale (1967): Bond Breakdown by Rantbo Legendary British spy, Sir James Bond, is reluctantly coursed out of retirement to bring about the destruction of a sinister organization responsible for the disappearances of numerous agents from around the world. Devising a plan of utter absurdity, Bond collects MI6’s remaining agents, re-names them … Read moreBond Breakdown: Special Entry: Casino Roayle (1967)
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines (2003): Breakdown by Kain424 Judgment Day wasn’t stopped, an even newer terminator assassin is sent back in time, and a T-800 is also sent back to escort John Connor to a safe location. That’s it. Whole movie. It’s a god damn escort mission. [THE EXECUTION] After thirty … Read moreT3: The Fall Of The Franchise
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Double Impact (1991): Breakdown by Rantbo Twin brothers, separated as babies, re-unite and rather than discuss the odd coincidence that they both have a knot on their foreheads in the exact same place—team-up and take on organized crime in Hong Kong. [THE EXECUTION] When one JCVD isn’t enough, why not have two? Makes … Read moreDouble Your Van Damme, Double Your Fun
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Hercules In New York (1970): Breakdown by Kain424 The Greek half-god grows bored and descends from Olympia to live among humans. After a series of hilarious (read as completely unfunny) hijinks, he learns what it is to be human and understand his place in the universe. [THE EXECUTION] Far in the deep past, … Read moreArnold’s First Film
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Doomsday (2008): Breakdown by Rantbo Studio Head: So, what’s your idea? Neil Marshall: Well, I want to make an homage film to 80s sci-fi, set in a post-apocalyptic UK. Studio Head: Hmm, and who do you see starring in it? Neil Marshall: OK, my idea on that is—wait do you know who Snake … Read moreHomageday: Originality Has An Expiration Date
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Tournament (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo Wanna play a game? “30 contestants—24 hours—1 rule—kill or die. Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets—the Tournament has begun.” [THE EXECUTION] In the tradition of ASSASSINS, BATTLE ROYALE and THE RUNNING MAN, comes THE TOURNAMENT. Essentially, an unauthorized remake of the 1997 action/thriller MEAN GUNS, the plot … Read moreMeaner Guns
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991): Breakdown by Kain424 Two more terminators are sent back in time, one to assassinate a young John Connor and the other to protect him. [THE EXECUTION] There are many who say the Action genre hit its peak with T2, and one can see why. Alternately one of the … Read moreT2: The Ultimate Sequel
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Azumi (2003): Breakdown by Rantbo Gorgeous teenage girl slaughters half of Japan in protest of violence and bloodshed. [THE EXECUTION] Back in 2002, I got really into ordering awesome/fucked-up looking Asian cultish cinema via shady internet sites. Amongst my early finds was Ryûhei Kitamura’s now semi-renowned Japanese samurai zombie shoot ‘em up, VERSUS. … Read moreHA-ZUUU-MAY!!!: The Movie