[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004): Breakdown by Rantbo Skinny Chick returns to kung fu the cast of Michael Jackson’s Thriller, wire-fight a giant mutated retard and run down the side of a building for some dumbass reason. [THE EXECUTION] This film picks up directly after the events in part one. Which I happen to … Read moreResident Evil 2: The Ass Continues
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Resident Evil (2002): Breakdown by Rantbo Skinny Chick kicks a dog, shoots zombies and wears a dress. One of these she does well. You get three guesses as to which it is. [THE EXECUTION] I wouldn’t say I’m a BIG fan of the Resident Evil video game series, but I’ve played the main … Read moreResident Evil: Survive The Ass
RAMBO’S BACK… THIS TIME IT’S CLOTHED [THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Rambo (2008): Breakdown by Rantbo Rambo comes out of retirement to kill again, so that white christian women can continue to be foolhardy troublesome nitwits, without fear of being raped by brown people. [THE EXECUTION] Ah, FIRST BLOOD PART 4. Easily one of the best action films … Read moreRambo, First Blood: Episode IV – Rambo Lives For Something… Killing
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Ghostbusters II (1989): Breakdown by Kain424 Same story, different villain. [THE EXECUTION] Ghostbusters II is usually considered to be the lesser of two fun films, and I am in agreement. It’s not a bad follow-up, but it does suffer from sequelitis. The story is essentially a retread, and much of the film refuses … Read moreGhostbusters II: The Secret Of The Ooze
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995): Breakdown by Rantbo Die Hard on a train. Casey Ryback returns to kill terrorists on a cross-country family trip. [THE EXECUTION] Seagal uses his nurturing skills learned by babysitting Miss July ‘89 to take his recently orphaned niece on a train ride through the mid-northwest. He’s doing … Read moreLive Free or Under Siege
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Ghost Busters (1984): Breakdown by Rantbo An Egg-head, a Buffoon, a Smart-Ass and a Man For Hire take on legions of the undead. [THE EXECUTION] Now, I admit that it is most definitely a stretch including GHOST BUSTERS in our ACTION Breakdowns. The film’s plot is driven by comedic and spooky situations as … Read moreApparition Incarcerators Just Didn’t Have The Same Ring To It…
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Enter The Dragon (1973): Breakdown by Rantbo Bruce Lee enters a fighting tournament, waxes philosophical and pwnes max bitches. [THE EXECUTION] Bruce Lee’s masterpiece (though I think WAY OF THE DRAGON is better) is just that. Pretty much. This film is considered by many to be the defining martial arts film. And though … Read moreEnta Da Dlagon
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Hickey & Boggs (1972): Breakdown by Kain424 Two Dicks try to solve a money-changing case, upgrade their arsenal, and get over their failed relationships with women. And down as many hotdogs as a buddy-cop film will allow. [THE EXECUTION] It’s hard to rate this film well, considering that there is so little action … Read moreHickey & Boggs are The Ambiguously Apathetic Duo
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Under Siege (1992): Breakdown by Rantbo Die Hard on a boat. Chef Seagal opens up a can of whoop-ass, serves up some dead terrorists and carves up Tommy Lee Jones like a thanksgiving soldier of fortune. [THE EXECUTION] With the downtrodden hearts and minds of Action fans the world over starting to visibly … Read moreIt’s Just Like Die Hard, But it is Wetter, Under The Siege
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Beastmaster (1982): Breakdown by Rantbo He-Man with less clothes, no guns and more animals. [THE EXECUTION] THE BEASTMASTER’s story is like a book of Mad Libs filled in by a demented 3rd grader during a detention for sneaking into the girl’s lockeroom… Once upon a time there was a fetus that was … Read moreThe Beast/Abs/Pecks/Thigh Master