[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Grindhouse: Planet Terror [Extended & Unrated](2007): Breakdown by Rantbo Q. What if that guy who made the Mexico Trilogy and FROM DUSK TILL DAWN (FDTD), directed an 80s style John Carpenter flick about the Zombie Apocalypse? A. PLANET TERROR. [THE EXECUTION] Planet Terror, as described by my in-head observations: -Mmm, sexy. -Hey, it’s … Read morePlanet Terror, Project Kleenex
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Transformers (2007): Breakdown by Rantbo michael bay sells almost 3 hours of advertisement space in an action movie, which is actually a [Er-ERR-Eee-ERR] teen sex comedy in disguise. [THE EXECUTION] The story goes a little something like this: A horny teenager named Sam is trying really, REALLY hard to stick his penis in … Read moreTransformers!!! michael bay Rapes My Eyes.
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Aliens [Director’s Cut](1986): Breakdown by Kain424 A team of tough-as-nails Space Marines head to a colony that’s been wiped out due to space aliens. Awesome ensues. [THE EXECUTION] Alien was a landmark in film, successfully combining science fiction ideas with horror and monster movie conventions, it still holds up today as a masterpiece. … Read moreAliens: A Facehugging Love Story
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Inspector Wears Skirts (1988) a.k.a. Bong Wong Fa: Breakdown by Kain424 An elite team of female operatives are trained by Sibelle Hu and Cynthia Rothrock in this Kung Fu comedy adventure. [THE EXECUTION] This is one of those films with an interesting concept handled in the most immature manner possible. Of course, … Read morePetty Men And Female Cops
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] BloodRayne (2005): Breakdown by Rantbo Kristanna Loken ruins her career, Elizabeth Berkley style, as a blood(and just plain old)sucking dhampir. [THE EXECUTION] Though the plot is pretty high-concept, I’ll do my best to explain. Rayne is a globe-trotting dhampir (child of a vampire and a human—think BLADE, with tits) in search for her … Read moreBloodStayne
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] From Dusk Till Dawn (1996): Breakdown by Rantbo Criminals rob, kill, rape, kidnap and escape to a Mexican strip-club, where—SURPRISE! There’s Vampires. [THE EXECUTION] “OK vampire killers, lets kill some fuckin’ vampires!” In the mid-nineties, it was harder to get more cool than a Tarantino or Rodriguez joint, so when the two backlot … Read moreFrom Tarantino Till Rodriguez
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Equalizer 2000 [The Cut-To-Shit U.S. Version] (1986): Breakdown by Rantbo The story of a gun, with a half-assed sub-plot about the asshole that fires it the most. [THE EXECUTION] “North Alaska—a hundred years after the nuclear winter. The dense nuclear waste that used to girdle the planet has been burned away by the … Read moreGUN: The Movie
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Machine Gun Kelly (1958): Breakdown by Kain424 A bank robbing gangster tries his hand at kidnapping, but is slowly eaten alive by his own fears. [THE EXECUTION] This is apparently Charles Bronson’s first starring role, based upon the actual gangster of the same name. Bronson plays the part well, giving a layered performance … Read moreMachine Gun Bronson
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Death Wish (1974): Breakdown by Rutledal Charles Bronson’s family gets murdered, and he takes revenge on every criminal in New York. [THE EXECUTION] Death Wish is the third and best film that resulting from Charles Bronson and director Michael Winner’s (The Mechanic) many collaborations in the 70’s and 80’s. Based on Brian Garfield’s … Read moreWish of Death
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Lethal Weapon [Director’s Cut] (1987): Breakdown by Rantbo & Kain424 Two lawmen overcome their contrasting social lives by sharing their feelings and learning to love their odd-couple partnership. And Gary Busey holds his bare arm over a butane lighter for like 30 seconds just to prove how crazy badass he is. [THE EXECUTION] … Read moreLethal Franchise 1