Rant [THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The 5th Commandment a.k.a. The Fifth Commandment (2008): Breakdown by Rantbo Hitman with a heart of gold realizes that while he is a natural born killer, he can still learn to love a horrible dayplayer. [THE EXECUTION] While working in Asia, Jazzman (one of the best hitman in the assassination business), shows mercy … Read moreThe 5th Commandment: Thou Shalt Kick Ass!
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Fast & Furious (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo New Movie. Original, Unoriginal Characters. [THE EXECUTION] I hadn’t gone to a FF movie since the first one raped me of my $7.50, back in ‘01. But, that changed this year after watching the trailer for the hunk-of-junk 4th installment, curiously titled, FAST & FURIOUS. Not … Read moreFast & Fourious
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Police Story III: Super Cop a.k.a. Ging chat goo si 3: Chiu kup ging chat (1992): Breakdown by Rantbo Jackie Chan is now a SUPER cop, yet needs help from Michelle Yeoh to fight SUPER crime. [THE EXECUTION] The Royal Hong Kong police are having trouble with drug trafficking. Most of the shit … Read morePolice Story III: Heroin and Train Tracks
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006): Breakdown by Rantbo Teenage brat gets shipped to Japan and power slides his way into the dangerous, illegal underground world of e-braking at high speeds. [THE EXECUTION] TOKYO DRIFT. It sounds like an STD and much like one, this franchise will keep popping up every … Read moreThe Fast and the Furious 3: Fancy Fishtails
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003): Breakdown by Rantbo Paul Walker is back to race more cars and flirt-fight with his old boyfriend, ex-supermodel, Tyrese. [THE EXECUTION] I knew I was in for a special kind of stupid when the first thing seen on screen is the UNIVERSAL studio logo transforming into a chrome … Read more2 F@&5 2 Curious
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Fast and the Furious (2001): Breakdown by Rantbo Undercover douche-bag cop bonds with criminal douche-bags over shiny douche-mobiles. [THE EXECUTION] I’ll start by saying this really isn’t my type of action. I really don’t give a shit about cars and have little to no interest in watching a bunch of jag-offs drive … Read moreThe Fast and the Bi-Curious
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Police Story: Part II a.k.a. Ging chaat goo si juk jaap (1988): Breakdown by Rantbo Jackie Chan is still a cop, is still fighting Hong Kong crime. [THE EXECUTION] The film opens with Chan being stripped of his Inspector’s badge, forced back into a uniform and assigned to direct traffic. That’s what you … Read morePolice Story: Part II: Jungle Gyms and Fireworks
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Bronx Executioner a.k.a. Il giustiziere del Bronx (1989): Breakdown by Rantbo Robots that look like people, hate people who act like robots and other slightly different robots that look like people. ~BANG BANG! RAPE! REUSE!~ [THE EXECUTION] The “film” is titled, BRONX EXECUTIONER. This is odd as it doesn’t take place in the … Read moreBronx Executioner: The Bronx and Executioners Sold Separately
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Butcher (2007): Breakdown by Rantbo Aging mob enforcer is forced out to pasture. Takes the rest of the herd with him. [THE EXECUTION] Much like Eric Roberts, Merle ‘The Butcher’ is an aging all-but-forgotten badass on the verge of forced retirement. A one-time prize-fighter and current mob enforcer, Merle is counting the … Read moreThe Butcher: I’ll Take A 95min Uncut Chunk Of Raw Action Meat, Please.
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984): Breakdown by Rantbo Indiana fights Chinese gangsters, becomes a zombie, whips some cult ass and saves a large group of malnourished children from manual labor. [THE EXECUTION] Shanghai, 1935 and in a classic Bondian fashion, Indiana Jones is finishing up a un-filmed mission in China. … Read moreThe Old Indiana Jones Adventures: Part One