Rant [THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Passenger 57 (1992): Breakdown by Rantbo DIE HARD on a plane and at a state fair, then back on a plane again. [THE EXECUTION] You know the scenario. When terrorists attack! This time, it’s at 35,000 feet and the only man able(willing) to do anything about it is Wesley Snipes. Because Bruce Willis … Read morePassenger Snipes 57
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Conan The Destroyer (1984): Breakdown by Rantbo Between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the rise of the sons of Arius, there was an age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world and Arnold Schwarzenegger was still gay. Hither came Conan, the Cimmerian, sword in hand. A big … Read moreConan: The Destroyer Of Franchises
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The 5th Commandment a.k.a. The Fifth Commandment (2008): Breakdown by Rantbo Hitman with a heart of gold realizes that while he is a natural born killer, he can still learn to love a horrible dayplayer. [THE EXECUTION] While working in Asia, Jazzman (one of the best hitman in the assassination business), shows mercy … Read moreThe 5th Commandment: Thou Shalt Kick Ass!
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Fast & Furious (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo New Movie. Original, Unoriginal Characters. [THE EXECUTION] I hadn’t gone to a FF movie since the first one raped me of my $7.50, back in ‘01. But, that changed this year after watching the trailer for the hunk-of-junk 4th installment, curiously titled, FAST & FURIOUS. Not … Read moreFast & Fourious
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Police Story III: Super Cop a.k.a. Ging chat goo si 3: Chiu kup ging chat (1992): Breakdown by Rantbo Jackie Chan is now a SUPER cop, yet needs help from Michelle Yeoh to fight SUPER crime. [THE EXECUTION] The Royal Hong Kong police are having trouble with drug trafficking. Most of the shit … Read morePolice Story III: Heroin and Train Tracks
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006): Breakdown by Rantbo Teenage brat gets shipped to Japan and power slides his way into the dangerous, illegal underground world of e-braking at high speeds. [THE EXECUTION] TOKYO DRIFT. It sounds like an STD and much like one, this franchise will keep popping up every … Read moreThe Fast and the Furious 3: Fancy Fishtails
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003): Breakdown by Rantbo Paul Walker is back to race more cars and flirt-fight with his old boyfriend, ex-supermodel, Tyrese. [THE EXECUTION] I knew I was in for a special kind of stupid when the first thing seen on screen is the UNIVERSAL studio logo transforming into a chrome … Read more2 F@&5 2 Curious
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Fast and the Furious (2001): Breakdown by Rantbo Undercover douche-bag cop bonds with criminal douche-bags over shiny douche-mobiles. [THE EXECUTION] I’ll start by saying this really isn’t my type of action. I really don’t give a shit about cars and have little to no interest in watching a bunch of jag-offs drive … Read moreThe Fast and the Bi-Curious
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Police Story: Part II a.k.a. Ging chaat goo si juk jaap (1988): Breakdown by Rantbo Jackie Chan is still a cop, is still fighting Hong Kong crime. [THE EXECUTION] The film opens with Chan being stripped of his Inspector’s badge, forced back into a uniform and assigned to direct traffic. That’s what you … Read morePolice Story: Part II: Jungle Gyms and Fireworks
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Bronx Executioner a.k.a. Il giustiziere del Bronx (1989): Breakdown by Rantbo Robots that look like people, hate people who act like robots and other slightly different robots that look like people. ~BANG BANG! RAPE! REUSE!~ [THE EXECUTION] The “film” is titled, BRONX EXECUTIONER. This is odd as it doesn’t take place in the … Read moreBronx Executioner: The Bronx and Executioners Sold Separately