[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Red Sonja (1985): Breakdown by Rantbo Brigitte Nielsen sword fights Sandahl Bergman to prove to herself (and the audience), that there’s a difference between being a dyke and just looking like one. Though which side she’s championing is still up for debate. [THE EXECUTION] The evil man-hating Queen Gedren (Bergman) has recently gotten … Read moreRed Mullet
Patrick Wayne Swayze 1952 – 2009 Uncommon Valor – Red Dawn – Steel Dawn – Road House – Next Of Kin – Point Break – Black Dog He Gave Us The Time Of Our Lives. You’ll Be Missed, Dalton.
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Black Dog (1998): Breakdown by Rantbo Swayze drives a tuck, Meat Loaf preaches gospel and shit blows up, real nice like. [THE EXECUTION] The title, Black Dog refers to a occurrence reported by truck drivers that have been pushing too hard, driving too far and being too greedy(?), seeing an angry black dog … Read moreBlack Dog, White Trucker, Swayze Gold
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo Wolverine gets his fourth movie following his adventures of screaming at and beating up various other Mutant cameos. [THE EXECUTION] In an attempt to hold onto the rights for their dismally bad movie franchise, FOX has released yet another X-Men oriented movie for the droves of … Read moreWolverine And His Amazing Super-Buddies Part IV: The Beginning
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Avenging Force (1986): Breakdown by Rutledal A retired martial arts expert/army intelligence agent becomes the target of a racist organization after saving a senator’s life. [THE EXECUTION] Between American Ninja and American Ninja 2, Michael Dudikoff and director Sam Firstenberg decided to make a less ninja-themed martial arts action movie. This was it. … Read moreAmerican Force Of The Avenging Ninja
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Blood And Bone (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo Michael Jai White ruins mother fuckers with martial arts. Not their day, not their careers—them. [THE EXECUTION] In the future, I am happy to say, I will now be able to mention a 3rd movie when recommending an awesome illegal, high-stakes street fighting flick. BLOOD AND … Read moreBlood and Murder-Boners
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Masters of the Universe (1987): Breakdown by Rantbo Dolph Lundgren is He-Man. A man so manly, He must have Man in his name. [THE EXECUTION] The film opens with an epically nonsensical exposition and while it makes absolutely no fucking sense—it is one of the most awesome God Damned things I’ve ever heard … Read moreMasters Of The Loincloth
