[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Conan The Barbarian (1982): Breakdown by Kain424 A young boy’s home and village is massacred in violent raid. He grows up to be Arnold Schwarzenegger, and gets his bloody revenge. [THE EXECUTION] After the fiasco that was Hercules In New York, Arnold Schwarzenegger went back to focusing on bodybuilding. After winning several more … Read moreArnold The Barbarian
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Conan The Destroyer (1984): Breakdown by Rantbo Between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the rise of the sons of Arius, there was an age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world and Arnold Schwarzenegger was still gay. Hither came Conan, the Cimmerian, sword in hand. A big … Read moreConan: The Destroyer Of Franchises
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Streets Of Blood (2009): Breakdown by Kain424 Cops that blur the line between crooked and hard-boiled attempt to clean the streets of New Orleans. 50 Cent continues to attempt to act. [THE EXECUTION] Cliche. And not in the fun way. The films starts out with a cop being asked by a police counselor … Read moreStreets Of Boredom
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The 5th Commandment a.k.a. The Fifth Commandment (2008): Breakdown by Rantbo Hitman with a heart of gold realizes that while he is a natural born killer, he can still learn to love a horrible dayplayer. [THE EXECUTION] While working in Asia, Jazzman (one of the best hitman in the assassination business), shows mercy … Read moreThe 5th Commandment: Thou Shalt Kick Ass!
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Fast & Furious (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo New Movie. Original, Unoriginal Characters. [THE EXECUTION] I hadn’t gone to a FF movie since the first one raped me of my $7.50, back in ‘01. But, that changed this year after watching the trailer for the hunk-of-junk 4th installment, curiously titled, FAST & FURIOUS. Not … Read moreFast & Fourious
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Protector (1985): Breakdown by Kain424 A Chinese New York cop (yeah, I know) goes to Hong Kong (go figure) to rescue a millionairess and take down a drug cartel. [THE EXECUTION] After The Big Brawl turned out to be less than the massive success they’d hoped it to be, Jackie Chan went … Read moreThe Protector of… I dunno.
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Police Story III: Super Cop a.k.a. Ging chat goo si 3: Chiu kup ging chat (1992): Breakdown by Rantbo Jackie Chan is now a SUPER cop, yet needs help from Michelle Yeoh to fight SUPER crime. [THE EXECUTION] The Royal Hong Kong police are having trouble with drug trafficking. Most of the shit … Read morePolice Story III: Heroin and Train Tracks
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006): Breakdown by Rantbo Teenage brat gets shipped to Japan and power slides his way into the dangerous, illegal underground world of e-braking at high speeds. [THE EXECUTION] TOKYO DRIFT. It sounds like an STD and much like one, this franchise will keep popping up every … Read moreThe Fast and the Furious 3: Fancy Fishtails
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003): Breakdown by Rantbo Paul Walker is back to race more cars and flirt-fight with his old boyfriend, ex-supermodel, Tyrese. [THE EXECUTION] I knew I was in for a special kind of stupid when the first thing seen on screen is the UNIVERSAL studio logo transforming into a chrome … Read more2 F@&5 2 Curious
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Fast and the Furious (2001): Breakdown by Rantbo Undercover douche-bag cop bonds with criminal douche-bags over shiny douche-mobiles. [THE EXECUTION] I’ll start by saying this really isn’t my type of action. I really don’t give a shit about cars and have little to no interest in watching a bunch of jag-offs drive … Read moreThe Fast and the Bi-Curious