[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Black Klansman a.k.a. I Crossed The Color Line (1966): Breakdown by Kain424 A black man’s daughter is killed in a Ku Klux Klan attack. He disguises himself as a white man and infiltrates the Klan in order to bring down the man responsible. Goofiness ensues. [THE EXECUTION] While the Blaxploitation genre is … Read morePre-Blaxploitation Blaxploitation
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] A Dangerous Man (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo Steven Seagal is, a dangerous man. [THE EXECUTION] After being chased off from assaulting Seagal’s wife, a scum sucking car-jacker inadvertently ends up butchered and the blame comes to rest on our hero. Imprisoned for a crime he was too tubby to commit, Seagal spends the … Read moreSeagal IS A Dangerous Man. In case you, uh, you know, didn’t know.
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Shaft (1971): Breakdown by Rantbo A bad-ass, sex-machine private-eye is hired by a gangster to find his missing daughter. [THE EXECUTION] While many consider SWEET SWEETBACK’S BAADASSSSS SONG to be the first film of the Blaxploitation craze, and others often bring up Sidney Poitier’s Mister Tibbs flicks to be a catalyst, I’ve always … Read moreSHAFT’s His Name. SHAFT’s His Game. And It’s Also Another Name For A Penis.
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Fugitive (1993): Breakdown by Rutledal A doctor’s wife is murdered. He says a one-armed man did it, but everyone believes it was him and he must prove his innocence while avoiding the law. [THE EXECUTION] Some of you might be familiar with this small movie award show called the Academy Awards, or … Read moreIndiana Kimble and the Search for the One Armed Man
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Zombieland (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo A small group of rag-tag zombie apocalypse survivors band together for a cross-country road trip to a West Coast theme park. Why? Because it’s funny. Note: Now while I normally never do this (as I just don’t really give a fuck), I am issuing a spoiler warning for … Read moreWhile In Wonerful Zombieland, Be Sure To Visit The Magic Extinction and Eprot Center… HARHARHAR!
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Universal Soldier: Regeneration (2009): Breakdown by Kain424 When a rebel Soviet group, using stolen UniSol technology, kidnap the Russian Prime Minister’s children and fortify themselves in Chernobyl, Luc Deveraux is sent back into action. [THE EXECUTION] Pretending the other sequels to Universal Soldier don’t exist, this film sees Luc Deveraux as damaged goods … Read moreUniversal Soldier: Redeemed
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Universal Soldier: The Return (1999): Breakdown by Rantbo Cash-in on the Universal Soldier name with a shitty piece of shitty shit sequel that shits on the original. [THE EXECUTION] While the exact time frame of Van Damme’s self inflicted life-slump (otherwise known as the “Cocaine Years”) still has yet to be finalized and … Read moreUniversal Soldier: The Fuck!?
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Boondock Saints (1999): Breakdown by Rantbo Two brothers, a mafia errand-boy, a gay FBI agent and an old man kill “bad” people to make the world a better place. [THE EXECUTION] A tale of loss, heartbreak, brotherhood and the dual .44 driven journey of revenge and redemption that puts it all into … Read moreThe Boondick Taints
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Universal Soldier (1992): Breakdown by Kain424 Using the bodies of “M.I.A.” Vietnam soldiers, the government creates a platoon of seemingly invincible super soldiers. When one begins to remember who he was in his past life and escapes, explosions, car chases, and fighting ensues in this epic versus film. [THE EXECUTION] Versus films are … Read moreUniversally Awesome!
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Give ‘em Hell, Malone (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo “His name is Malone and he’s one tough dick.” [THE EXECUTION] Much like westerns, smart comedies, and 80s style action, the noir detective films have been in a steady decline of studio and mass audience popularity these past couple decades and all but disappeared outside … Read moreGive ’em Noir, Hollywood