Rant RAMBO’S BACK… THIS TIME IT’S CLOTHED [THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Rambo (2008): Breakdown by Rantbo Rambo comes out of retirement to kill again, so that white christian women can continue to be foolhardy troublesome nitwits, without fear of being raped by brown people. [THE EXECUTION] Ah, FIRST BLOOD PART 4. Easily one of the best action films … Read moreRambo, First Blood: Episode IV – Rambo Lives For Something… Killing
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995): Breakdown by Rantbo Die Hard on a train. Casey Ryback returns to kill terrorists on a cross-country family trip. [THE EXECUTION] Seagal uses his nurturing skills learned by babysitting Miss July ‘89 to take his recently orphaned niece on a train ride through the mid-northwest. He’s doing … Read moreLive Free or Under Siege
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Ghost Busters (1984): Breakdown by Rantbo An Egg-head, a Buffoon, a Smart-Ass and a Man For Hire take on legions of the undead. [THE EXECUTION] Now, I admit that it is most definitely a stretch including GHOST BUSTERS in our ACTION Breakdowns. The film’s plot is driven by comedic and spooky situations as … Read moreApparition Incarcerators Just Didn’t Have The Same Ring To It…
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Enter The Dragon (1973): Breakdown by Rantbo Bruce Lee enters a fighting tournament, waxes philosophical and pwnes max bitches. [THE EXECUTION] Bruce Lee’s masterpiece (though I think WAY OF THE DRAGON is better) is just that. Pretty much. This film is considered by many to be the defining martial arts film. And though … Read moreEnta Da Dlagon
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Under Siege (1992): Breakdown by Rantbo Die Hard on a boat. Chef Seagal opens up a can of whoop-ass, serves up some dead terrorists and carves up Tommy Lee Jones like a thanksgiving soldier of fortune. [THE EXECUTION] With the downtrodden hearts and minds of Action fans the world over starting to visibly … Read moreIt’s Just Like Die Hard, But it is Wetter, Under The Siege
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Beastmaster (1982): Breakdown by Rantbo He-Man with less clothes, no guns and more animals. [THE EXECUTION] THE BEASTMASTER’s story is like a book of Mad Libs filled in by a demented 3rd grader during a detention for sneaking into the girl’s lockeroom… Once upon a time there was a fetus that was … Read moreThe Beast/Abs/Pecks/Thigh Master
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Rambo III (1988): Breakdown by Rantbo Rambo ends the Cold War to save the man of his dreams. [THE EXECUTION] Rambo’s Back, Again… and showing his pecks off to some little kids? Awkward… Anyways, this time, Rambo fights for love. After re-fighting Vietnam and tying up the score, Rambo moved to Thailand and … Read moreRambo, First Blood: Episode III – Revenge of the Al-Qaeda
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] They Live (1988): Breakdown by Rantbo Rowdy Roddy Piper fights the forces of evil, that none of us can see without sunglasses. [THE EXECUTION] America. The land of opportunity—if you’re an alien. As for us lowly working class humans, the ladder of success is a little bit harder to climb when your hands … Read moreThey Live, Nada Kills
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Armageddon (1998) The Director’s Cut, Now With Three More Minutes Of Heart-Pounding Sentiments And Shitty Dated Rock Music: Breakdown by Rantbo The power of love, prayer and a windswept Old Glory give a small group of blue-collar Americans the power to save the world from a giant lion-roaring space-rock. [THE EXECUTION] Assume The … Read moreArmageddon Popcorn Michael Bay Ass-Fuck Suicide
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Substitute (1996): Breakdown by Rantbo. NOTE: I apologize in advance for the shitty pictures. I watched this on VHS, so I had to rely on the Internets to get images for a movie nobody cares about, nor remembers. This is the best I could do. Sorry. Mercenary with a heart of gold, … Read moreThose Who Can’t Kick Ass, Substitute.