[THE CHALK-OUTLINE]
Point Break (1991): Breakdown by Rantbo
Undercover cop falls for dreamy bank robbing surfer dude. Is torn between his duty to bust him and his urge to bust a nut inside him.
[THE EXECUTION]
In keeping with late 80s style, POINT BREAK is a trip down macho lane. The film centers on an adrenaline-fueled narrative of cops v. robbers. Think HEAT, but really, really, queer and with extreme sports instead of all the family bullshit. The good news is, this film takes itself seriously and all the humor comes from the bonds of male camaraderie and its unintentional gay undertones. So, it’s no Michael Bay fart-joke craptasterpiece.
The film is clearly inspired by gritty 70s style cop movies like DIRTY HARRY, even lifting several scenes like the tossing of the badge and visiting a food stand just outside a bank robbery. But, the film hippifies the tired old scenario by having a young handsome cast of Jimmy Buffett enthusiasts, as opposed to a bunch of hard boiled bitter old men.
I don’t want to be one of those guys that rips on Keanu, by saying “WHoa!!!” and other uninspired shit like that, but I can understand why people do it. He’s just not that good of an actor. However–I find him very likable. Even though Sway-Dog does a great job as the retro-hippie surfer, I think his and Reeve’s roles should have been cast-reversed. ‘Cuz if you’re going to put Keanu in your film, at least play to his strengths; talking like a Southern California stoner, smiling with his thumbs up and looking dumbfounded with long wet hair. Keanu’s a “Bodhi” if I ever saw one. As it stands, he does an OK job, but it’s no JOHNNY MNEMONIC or THE MATRIX. But really, what is!?
All-in-all, the movie is over-the-top and mind numbingly stupid. But, it’s a bunch of fun because of it. While a movie like HEAT is a far better film, if given the choice–I’ll almost always go with watching some goofy shit like POINT BREAK instead. At least with PB, I can get a bunch of good belly-laughs and after the credits role, I’ll have much more time left of daylight to go jerk-off outside.
[HOW BAD-ASS IS THE MAIN CHARACTER?]
Keanu Reeves is Special Agent Quarterback Punk Johnny Utah
“You’re a real blue-flame special, aren’t ya son? Young, dumb and fulla cum.”
“God Damn! You are one radical sonovabitch!”
One thing is for sure, Johnny’s gonna get his man. The guy has determination and is only slightly afraid to draw down on criminal scum. Johnny’s no Jack Traven, but he sure can pursue a suspect on foot. And barely hesitates before jumping out of an in-flight airplane without a chute. Jack Traven only jumped out of a bus. I’d say these guys are even, but Neo could kick both their asses, ‘cuz he learned how to fly.
Johnny on Johnny:
“My whole lihife I’ve done things for other people–in high school I played footBALL, because my old man expected me to. Then my parents always figured I’d go to lahw school. So I did. Football scholarship. Phi Beta Kappa. So, I’m a big hero to my folks, right? But two years ago, they were killed in a car wreck. You can’t imagine it. Your whole life changes. And I suddenly realized that all my goals had been their goals, and I hadn’t been living my own lihife. So I wanted something for myself. So I come out here from Oh-HI-Oh a month ago. HI’ve never seen the ocean before. Any ocean. Hi never thought it would affect me so much. I’m drawn to it–or something.”
[THE BODY COUNT: 8 AND 1 UNCONFIRMED]
Johnny tags a criminal halfway through the film, but then he gets stage-fright and is unable to unload for the rest of the picture. Thankfully, Busey is secure with himself and blasts 3 surf-rats. You can always count on Mr. Teeth. Da bad guys rack up 3, which isn’t too impressive, but two of them where cops and the third a rent-a-cop, so that has to count for something. One of the cops that dies, assassinates a president and the final, unconfirmed death belongs to Bodhi. As far as the film is concerned, he’s D.O.A. once the tide come in, but there is a small chance he was able to escape the wave and paddle his way to New Zealand.
[MOST SATISFYING DEATH]
The honors go to Mr. Gary Busey. On a raid of a drug dealers flophouse, one of the meth-heads grabs a resident skank and tries to get by Busey. Not happening. BOOM!–HEADSHOT!
[DUDESWEAT AND MACHISMO]
This is one of those movies that needs a list:
Tyler: “You got the kamikaze [kamikaze = man who goes down in flames] look, Johnny. Bodhi can smell it a mile away. He’ll take you to the edge–and past it.”
Bodhi: “Johnny has his own demons. Don’t you Johnny.”
Johnny: “What’s going on?”
Bodhi: “Time for a little stealth mission–you up for it? Let’s do it.”
Johnny: “So, I started trailing him… I’m on him ALL day. He goes here, he goes there, he goes to tower records…” I’ll bet he does, Johnny.
Bodhi: “I know Johnny. I know you want me so bad it’s like acid in your mouth.”
-The movie opens with a rain drenched tight-shirt Keanu one-arm cocking a shotgun in slow-mo, which he uses to overkill a card-board cut-out of a woman. Take that society’s norms!
-Bodhi looks like a blonde Lion-O from the ThunderCats, only he’s slightly better at concealing his homoerotic glory. Slightly.
-Bodhi. “They call him the Bodhisattva.” [‘cuz Bodhi wasn’t gay enough?] “He’s a modern savage. He’s a real searcher [for what?] The ride. The ultimate ride.”
-Johnny and the Ex-Presidents bond over a mostly shirtless beach football game. Tackling allowed. Whoo Ga.
-Johnny and Bodhi bond further by getting in a wet shirtless fisticuff fight with a group of beach-bum meth- heads consisting of a guy named Bunker, a guy named Warchild and Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
-Johnny attends a party of Bodhi’s that’s packed to the walls with shirtless clones of the band members from Warrant.
-Johnny does sleep with Tyler, But Lori Petty has a boy’s name, a boy’s haircut, a boy’s build and they do it after Johnny experiences an intense evening of night surfing with Bodhi. Leaving me to believe that he was picturing Swayze’s face on the back of her head the whole time.
-Johnny gets his ass kicked, hard, by a naked chick. I think it’s because he was too grossed out to fight back.
-This is a BIG one. Utah actually breaks the case by recognizing one the culprits bare-asses. Just watch:
[flashvideo filename=videos/Keanu.wmv.FLV /]
POINT BREAK rights held by 20th Century Fox
Notice how excited Bodhi gets after seeing his “friend’s” ass and taint? And not to mention that immediately after seeing the man-ass, Johnny has lost all interest in his “girlfriend”. This movie is like a gay training video. They should hand out copies at the California state lines.
[EXPLOITATION AND MISOGYNY]
Lori Petty is kidnapped and tied to a chair in only her nighty. But since I have already established her as a young man, this point is moot.
Tell me that’s not a teenage boy.
There are, however, a few exploitative bits in the raid at the drug-dealer flophouse. One girl is used as a shield, as I mentioned above, and another one stands screaming in the buff as the bullets whiz by her.
She does get back some pride though, by jumping Utah and throttling his mindless ass and then stabbing another one of the feds, before she is knocked out and subdued.
[EPIC MOMENT AND BEST ONE-LINER]
Faced with the choice between shooting down his secret love, or letting him escape, Johnny chooses the former and in a fit of rage over his job-inhibiting sexual urges, fires off an entire clip of his pistol into the air.
President Reagan: “Rock and Roll!”
[THE MORAL OF THE STORY]
-Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.
-If you want the ultimate, you’ve got to be willing to pay the ultimate price.
-Lawyers don’t surf.
-And Gary Busey could eat the ass end out of a dead rhino.
[THE CHECKLIST: 17 outta 25]
[ ] Athlete(s) Turned “Actor”
[X] Clinging To The Outside Of A Moving Vehicle
[X] Crotch Attack
[X] Dialogue Telling Us How Bad-Ass The Main Character(s) Is/Are
[X] Ending Featuring An Ambulance, A Blanket or A Towel
[ ] Factory/Warehouse
[X] Giant Explosion(s)
[ ] Heavy Artillery
[X] Improvised Weapon(s)
[X] Macho Mode(s) Of Transportation
[X] Main Character Sports Facial Accessory(s)
[X] Manly Embrace(s)
[ ] Notorious Stunt-Man Sighting
[X] Passage(s) Of Time Via Montage
[ ] Politically Fueled Plot Point(s)
[X] Senseless Destruction Of Property
[X] Shoot Out(s) and/or Sword Fight(s)
[X] Slow-Motion Finishing Move(s)/Death(s)*
[X] Stupid Authoritative Figure(s)
[X] Substance Usage and/or Abuse
[ ] Tis The Season
[ ] Torture Sequence(s)
[ ] Unnecessary Sequel
[X] Vehicle Chase(s)
[X] Vigilante Justice**
*If Bodhi did in fact die, the big wave that crushed him was shown in slo-mo.
**As Utah is under arrest, for suspicion of aiding in the murder of an officer and robbing a bank, he clearly does not have the law on his side when he goes after the elusive Bodhi toward the end of the film. So, I’m counting this.
