[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Substitute (1996): Breakdown by Rantbo. NOTE: I apologize in advance for the shitty pictures. I watched this on VHS, so I had to rely on the Internets to get images for a movie nobody cares about, nor remembers. This is the best I could do. Sorry. Mercenary with a heart of gold, … Read moreThose Who Can’t Kick Ass, Substitute.
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985): Breakdown by Rantbo Vietnam–Round Two. And Rambo gets to win this time. By attrition. [THE EXECUTION] Rambo’s Back …and returning to the land of his birth. ‘Nam. Descending from the heavens (via parachute), he is reborn in the freshly spilt blood of the vile Vietcong. They took … Read moreRambo, First Blood: Episode II – Rambo’s Back In Nam
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Yes, Madam a.k.a. Police Assassins a.k.a. Huang jia shi jie (1985): Breakdown by Kain424 Two hot, ass-kicking, female cops in Hong Kong attempt to solve a high-profile forgery case and take down a ruthless criminal kingpin. Also, a trio of goofy males attempt to ruin an otherwise decent buddy cop movie. CLICK HERE … Read moreTwo Chicks, Kung Fu
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] DOA: Dead or Alive (2006): Breakdown by Rantbo ENTER THE DRAGON with more titties and BEST OF THE BEST’s Eric Roberts. SOLD! [THE EXECUTION] DOA is “THE best movie adaptation of a video game so far! -Matthew Turner, VIEW LONDON” I concur, Matthew. Big breasted women and a grab bag of goofy looking … Read moreDOA: DAMES OR manASS. You’re Invited To Eye-Candy-Island.
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Die Hard: With A Vengeance (1995): Breakdown by Rantbo DIE HARD in a city. The same shit happens to the same guy, thrice. [THE EXECUTION] John McClane loses more hair, gains a magical African American friend, kills terrorists, smokes cigarettes and watches Captain Kangaroo. McClane is back, and it’s as though DIE HARDER … Read moreDie Hard With A Vengeance, A Dish Best Served With Samuel L. Jackson
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Die Hard 2 (1990): Breakdown by Rantbo DIE HARD in an airport. The same shit happens to the same guy. [THE EXECUTION] It’s Christmas time again, and you know what that means. Asshole consumers, shitty music and even shittier driving conditions (I take that back, the music is shittier). But, it also means … Read moreDIE HARD 2: COINCIDENCE IS A BITCH FROM HELL
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Die Hard (1988): Breakdown by Rantbo New York City Cop kills former terrorists, pretending to be current terrorists, but are really now exceptional thieves. Explosions and one-liners commence. [THE EXECUTION] “Welcome to the party, pal!” A hard boiled, take-no-shit New York City cop flies out to the magical land of limp-wristed men and … Read moreAll Other Action Movies Can DIE HARD
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Navy SEALs (1990): Breakdown by Rantbo Team of elite Air, Land and Semen kill terrorists. Are gay. [THE EXECUTION] This film was made for one reason and one reason only. To make some TOP GUN money. No clue if it succeeded financially (I highly doubt it), but the film definitely failed to touch … Read moreOoh, Navy SEALs!
