Taken (2008)
Starring Liam Neeson
The Butcher: I’ll Take A 95min Uncut Chunk Of Raw Action Meat, Please.
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Butcher (2007): Breakdown by Rantbo Aging mob enforcer is forced out to pasture. Takes the rest of the herd with him. [THE EXECUTION] Much like Eric Roberts, Merle ‘The Butcher’ is an aging all-but-forgotten badass on the verge of forced retirement. A one-time prize-fighter and current mob enforcer, Merle is counting the … Read moreThe Butcher: I’ll Take A 95min Uncut Chunk Of Raw Action Meat, Please.
The Old Indiana Jones Adventures: Part One
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984): Breakdown by Rantbo Indiana fights Chinese gangsters, becomes a zombie, whips some cult ass and saves a large group of malnourished children from manual labor. [THE EXECUTION] Shanghai, 1935 and in a classic Bondian fashion, Indiana Jones is finishing up a un-filmed mission in China. … Read moreThe Old Indiana Jones Adventures: Part One
Battle Creek Bore
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Big Brawl a.k.a. Battle Creek Brawl (1980): Breakdown by Kain424 In an alternate 1930s America, where Chinese men can become wealthy doctors and date Caucasian women without it causing a stir, Jackie Chan must enter a fighting tournament to win back his brother’s kidnapped mail-order wife. Also, there’s a roller derby for … Read moreBattle Creek Bore
Spider-Man: Issue #1: Monologues And Origins
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Spider-Man (2002): Breakdown by Rantbo Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Does whatever a spider can. Spins a web, any size. Catches thieves just like flies. Look out! Here comes a lucrative franchise. [THE EXECUTION] I’d like to think that most people reading this would at least be familiar with the story of Spider-Man’s origin, which is … Read moreSpider-Man: Issue #1: Monologues And Origins
Scowlface
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Scarface (1983): Breakdown by Kain424 Cuban refugee kills his way to the top of the cocaine world but remains an annoying moron throughout. Carnage and unintentional hilarity ensue. [THE EXECUTION] Scarface is a movie that bounces back and forth between being immensely entertaining and terribly boring. The film is essentially about rising to … Read moreScowlface
Road House 2: It’s Last Call To Be Nice And Take It Outside
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Road House 2 (2006): Breakdown by Rantbo ROAD HOUSE, but set in Louisiana instead of Missouri, featuring drug dealers instead of extortionists and with one of the Buseys instead of Swayze. [THE EXECUTION] From the moment the title is revealed, you know you are in for 86 minutes of pure class and sophisticated … Read moreRoad House 2: It’s Last Call To Be Nice And Take It Outside
Road House: Business In The Front, Party In The Back
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Road House (1989): Breakdown by Rantbo WALKING TALL, but with a bunch more knife fights, dick punches and gratuitous female nudity. And instead of the good guys trying to put the bad guy’s bar out of business, it’s the other way around. [THE EXECUTION] From the moment the title is revealed, you know … Read moreRoad House: Business In The Front, Party In The Back
Police Story 1: Showdown At The Shopping Maul
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Police Story a.k.a. Ging chat goo si (1985): Breakdown by Rantbo Jackie Chan is a cop, fights drug dealers. [THE EXECUTION] The thing about Jackie Chan is, he is almost always playing the same character. Not to say that he can’t act, quite the contrary, but he does often end up playing a … Read morePolice Story 1: Showdown At The Shopping Maul
Push: Push It REAL Good. Dunt-DA-duntduntdunt-Dump-DA…
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Push (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo The X-Men comic’s ‘WEAPON X’ storyline, but instead of Wolverine, we follow two young Jean Greys and the Human Torch. [THE EXECUTION] I refused to see this one in the theater, based purely on the rating. I don’t pay for PG-13 unless it’s something BIG, (THE DARK KNIGHT, … Read morePush: Push It REAL Good. Dunt-DA-duntduntdunt-Dump-DA…