[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Van Helsing (2004): Breakdown by Rantbo The guy who plays Wolverine, channels Batman, to play legendary demon slayer, Van Helsing. [THE EXECUTION] Before getting into Steven Sommers’ masterpiece, VAN HELSING, I feel I must address the prequel. Yes, this film actually has one… Van Helsing: The London Assignment (2004) Released straight to DVD, … Read moreVan Archangel
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Crow (1994): Breakdown by Rantbo Undead goth kills drug-dealing rapists with guns, knives, swords, morphine, grenades, gothic architecture and some poetic verbal nuance. [THE EXECUTION] THE CROW. A movie so good, they’ve tried remaking it 5 times. Soon to be six. And one of those times was with Edward Furlong, Tara Reid … Read moreThe Crow: “What the FUCK you all painted up for, crackhead, huh!? Halloween ain’t till manana!”
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Army Of Darkness [Theatrical Version](1992): Breakdown by Rantbo Bruce Campbell vs. The Army Of Darkness [THE EXECUTION] As this is the 3rd movie in the EVIL DEAD TRILOGY, I feel I must briefly summarize what happened previously, if for no other reason than if this breakdown happens to be read by some poor … Read moreThe MedEvil Dead
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Doom [Unrated Extended Edition](2005): Breakdown by Rantbo Space Marines battle alien monsters that killed off a colony. Sounds familiar… [THE EXECUTION] Based off of one of the Most Bad-Ass Mother-Fucking Games of ALL Fucking Time, and featuring striking similarities to James Cameron’s Masterpiece, ALIENS, the question is, how does this movie fair in … Read moreDOOooooooooM!
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Pitch Black (2000): Breakdown by Kain424 A spaceship crashes on an unknown world. After finding out the planet may be teaming with frightening and dangerous lifeforms, the survivors are forced to work together with a murderer who may or may not want to help them at all. [THE EXECUTION] With the Action stars … Read moreDiesel-Fueled Action
. [The Chalk-Outline] The Hidden (1987): Breakdown by Rutledal A cop and an FBI agent have to track down a body swapping alien on the loose in L.A. [The Execution] Based on the fact that the movie’s basic premise features Kyle MacLachlan playing a FBI agent on the hunt for a supernatural killer, a Twin … Read moreAlien Busters
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Little Tiger Of Canton (1971) a.k.a. Guang dong xiao lao hu a.k.a. The Cub Tiger From Kwang Tung: Breakdown by Kain424 A Kung Fu student struggles against his master, who thinks martial arts should never be used. [THE EXECUTION] First off, it’s important to note that the film, Master With Cracked Fingers, is … Read moreTo Fight Or Not To Fight
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo Explosion – Dick Joke – Cleavage – Sunset – Robot – U.S. Military Recruitment Video Footage: Repeat For 2 Hours. [THE EXECUTION] Yes. Those Are What You Think They Are. Welcome To Transformers 2 OK, I’m going to try my best to recount the … Read moreTranformers: A Dish Best Served Never
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Grindhouse: Thunder Bolt Death Proof [Extended & Unrated](2007): Breakdown by Rantbo Q. What if Tarantino made a late-70s, early-80s horror movie about a ‘Slasher’ that used his connections working in the movie business to choose his victims, and instead of killing them off one-by-one with a knife, he used his stunt-car to claim … Read moreThe 5th Film By Quentin Tarantino
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Blade (1998): Breakdown by Kain424 Half vampire/half human vampire hunter kills vampires. Really, that’s about it. [THE EXECUTION] Before the X-Men movies jumpstarted the comic book movie decade, there were only a few good comic book movies. The Punisher, The Crow, arguably the first two Batman films, and Blade (for why Superman sucks, … Read moreVampires, Kung Fu and Techno