Rant [THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Spider-Man (2002): Breakdown by Rantbo Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Does whatever a spider can. Spins a web, any size. Catches thieves just like flies. Look out! Here comes a lucrative franchise. [THE EXECUTION] I’d like to think that most people reading this would at least be familiar with the story of Spider-Man’s origin, which is … Read moreSpider-Man: Issue #1: Monologues And Origins
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Road House 2 (2006): Breakdown by Rantbo ROAD HOUSE, but set in Louisiana instead of Missouri, featuring drug dealers instead of extortionists and with one of the Buseys instead of Swayze. [THE EXECUTION] From the moment the title is revealed, you know you are in for 86 minutes of pure class and sophisticated … Read moreRoad House 2: It’s Last Call To Be Nice And Take It Outside
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Road House (1989): Breakdown by Rantbo WALKING TALL, but with a bunch more knife fights, dick punches and gratuitous female nudity. And instead of the good guys trying to put the bad guy’s bar out of business, it’s the other way around. [THE EXECUTION] From the moment the title is revealed, you know … Read moreRoad House: Business In The Front, Party In The Back
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Police Story a.k.a. Ging chat goo si (1985): Breakdown by Rantbo Jackie Chan is a cop, fights drug dealers. [THE EXECUTION] The thing about Jackie Chan is, he is almost always playing the same character. Not to say that he can’t act, quite the contrary, but he does often end up playing a … Read morePolice Story 1: Showdown At The Shopping Maul
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Push (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo The X-Men comic’s ‘WEAPON X’ storyline, but instead of Wolverine, we follow two young Jean Greys and the Human Torch. [THE EXECUTION] I refused to see this one in the theater, based purely on the rating. I don’t pay for PG-13 unless it’s something BIG, (THE DARK KNIGHT, … Read morePush: Push It REAL Good. Dunt-DA-duntduntdunt-Dump-DA…
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Independence Day (1996) The Special Edition: Breakdown by Rantbo A drunken ex-pilot, an environmentalist techno-geek and the Fresh Prince save mankind from a WAR OF THE WORLDS. And successfully kill off 80s action in the wake. [THE EXECUTION] Essentially, aliens attack Earth, because they hate how awesome and united we are and it’s … Read moreID:BORE
[THE CLASSIFIED INTEL] From Russia With Love (1963): Bond Breakdown by Rantbo Number 1, the mysterious leader of the evil organization known as SPECTRE (SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion), puts two of his top agents to work on a devious project. Kronsteen aka Agent #5, devises a plan to steal a high-tech … Read moreBond Breakdown #02: From Russia With Love (1963)
[THE CLASSIFIED INTEL] Dr. No (1962): Bond Breakdown by Rantbo Bond is playing the role of the clean-up hitter by cruising down to Jamaica with orders from M to investigate the death of fellow agent John Strangways and his secretary. With a secondary objective to determine whether or not their disappearance is related to some … Read moreBond Breakdown #01: Dr. No (1962)
[THE CLASSIFIED INTEL] Casino Royale (1954): Breakdown by Rantbo Special (American) Combined Intelligence Agent Jimmy Bond is on a mission to win a game of baccarat and clean-out a Soviet Agent named Le Chiffre, thus removing his pot to piss in and forcing him to golden shower the steps of lady liberty with his commie … Read moreBond Breakdown: Special Entry: Climax! Casino Royale (1954)
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li (Unleashed and Unrated Edition) (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo Robin Shou teaches a questionably hot girl to make energy balls and fire them at a corrupt business criminal in revenge for kidnapping her father. [THE EXECUTION] If Clive Barker and Ang Lee had a butt baby together, and … Read moreStreet Fighter: The Legend Of That Hot Chick From EURO TRIP—No, Not The Blonde, The Other One. Yeah, The Chick From SMALLVILLE.