Rant [THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Doomsday (2008): Breakdown by Rantbo Studio Head: So, what’s your idea? Neil Marshall: Well, I want to make an homage film to 80s sci-fi, set in a post-apocalyptic UK. Studio Head: Hmm, and who do you see starring in it? Neil Marshall: OK, my idea on that is—wait do you know who Snake … Read moreHomageday: Originality Has An Expiration Date
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Tournament (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo Wanna play a game? “30 contestants—24 hours—1 rule—kill or die. Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets—the Tournament has begun.” [THE EXECUTION] In the tradition of ASSASSINS, BATTLE ROYALE and THE RUNNING MAN, comes THE TOURNAMENT. Essentially, an unauthorized remake of the 1997 action/thriller MEAN GUNS, the plot … Read moreMeaner Guns
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Azumi (2003): Breakdown by Rantbo Gorgeous teenage girl slaughters half of Japan in protest of violence and bloodshed. [THE EXECUTION] Back in 2002, I got really into ordering awesome/fucked-up looking Asian cultish cinema via shady internet sites. Amongst my early finds was Ryûhei Kitamura’s now semi-renowned Japanese samurai zombie shoot ‘em up, VERSUS. … Read moreHA-ZUUU-MAY!!!: The Movie
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] American Ninja (1985): Breakdown by Rantbo A Private in the military proves he is an army of one, as he takes on an island of arms-dealing ninjas—with his own brand of WHITE NINJA MAGIC! [THE EXECUTION] “Have you ever heard of ninjitsu, sir? The secret art of assassination. Well, according to witnesses testimony … Read moreCaucasian Ninja Magic!
G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (2009) Body Count Breakdown by Gregglop09 [CHARACTER KILLS] Storm Shadow (Lee Byung-hun/Brandon Soo Hoo): 60 (59 as Byung-hun, 1 by Soo Hoo) Duke (Channing Tatum): 17 Ana Lewis/Ana DeCobray/The Baroness (Sienna Miller): 15 Snake Eyes (Ray Park): 9 Scarlett (Rachel Nichols): 9 Heavy Duty (Adwale Akkinuoye-Agbaje): 3 Zartan (Arnold … Read moreG.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (2009) Body Count Breakdown
[THE CLASSIFIED INTEL] Thunderball (1965): Bond Breakdown by Rantbo SPECTRE is back and in full force. Seeming to have abandoned his vendetta on Bond, Number 1 holds a conference bringing together all his operatives to report on the progress of their various nefarious deeds. Enter Emilio Largo,or as he is known within SPECTRE, Number 2 … Read moreBond Breakdown #04: Thunderball (1965)
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo A squad of models sport magical gimp suits to battle a dominatrix and a pre-Labor Day Ninja, in a live adaptation of TEAM AMERICA. [THE EXECUTION] “In the not too distant future…” The world will be ridden with computer graphics and day-to-day activities … Read moreG.I. Joe: The Rise Of Flashbacks
NINJVEMBER Rant here, with the first AOBG Monthly Update, to inform the masses (all 12 of you) just what the fuck it is we’re working on. And as you can tell from the above title and picture of my girlfriend*, this November will be Ninja Themed and will feature no less than 5 Breakdowns by … Read moreTHE AOBG MONTHLY UPDATE: NOVEMBER 2009
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Van Helsing (2004): Breakdown by Rantbo The guy who plays Wolverine, channels Batman, to play legendary demon slayer, Van Helsing. [THE EXECUTION] Before getting into Steven Sommers’ masterpiece, VAN HELSING, I feel I must address the prequel. Yes, this film actually has one… Van Helsing: The London Assignment (2004) Released straight to DVD, … Read moreVan Archangel
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Crow (1994): Breakdown by Rantbo Undead goth kills drug-dealing rapists with guns, knives, swords, morphine, grenades, gothic architecture and some poetic verbal nuance. [THE EXECUTION] THE CROW. A movie so good, they’ve tried remaking it 5 times. Soon to be six. And one of those times was with Edward Furlong, Tara Reid … Read moreThe Crow: “What the FUCK you all painted up for, crackhead, huh!? Halloween ain’t till manana!”