Tombstone (1993)
Starring Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer
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Streets Of Boredom
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Streets Of Blood (2009): Breakdown by Kain424 Cops that blur the line between crooked and hard-boiled attempt to clean the streets of New Orleans. 50 Cent continues to attempt to act. [THE EXECUTION] Cliche. And not in the fun way. The films starts out with a cop being asked by a police counselor … Read moreStreets Of Boredom
The Protector of… I dunno.
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Protector (1985): Breakdown by Kain424 A Chinese New York cop (yeah, I know) goes to Hong Kong (go figure) to rescue a millionairess and take down a drug cartel. [THE EXECUTION] After The Big Brawl turned out to be less than the massive success they’d hoped it to be, Jackie Chan went … Read moreThe Protector of… I dunno.
Battle Creek Bore
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Big Brawl a.k.a. Battle Creek Brawl (1980): Breakdown by Kain424 In an alternate 1930s America, where Chinese men can become wealthy doctors and date Caucasian women without it causing a stir, Jackie Chan must enter a fighting tournament to win back his brother’s kidnapped mail-order wife. Also, there’s a roller derby for … Read moreBattle Creek Bore
Scowlface
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Scarface (1983): Breakdown by Kain424 Cuban refugee kills his way to the top of the cocaine world but remains an annoying moron throughout. Carnage and unintentional hilarity ensue. [THE EXECUTION] Scarface is a movie that bounces back and forth between being immensely entertaining and terribly boring. The film is essentially about rising to … Read moreScowlface
The Big Boss …Gets Killed
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Big Boss a.k.a. Fists Of Fury a.k.a. Tang shan da xiong (1971): Breakdown by Kain424 Bruce Lee finds out his boss is a drug-smuggling asshole and a murderer. Lee then proceeds to kill everyone involved. [THE EXECUTION] This is Bruce Lee’s first starring role, and one can already see the qualities that … Read moreThe Big Boss …Gets Killed
12 Pounds of Bullshit
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] 12 Rounds (2009): Breakdown by Kain424 A mish-mash of the plots of Ricochet, Die Hard With A Vengeance and Speed, minus anything that made those films cool. [THE EXECUTION] How can the guy who gave us such awesome action classics as Die Hard 2 and Cliffhanger possibly fuck up such an easy premise? … Read more12 Pounds of Bullshit
The Retro-Active Abortionator
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Terminator (1984): Breakdown by Kain424 In the future, man and machine are nearing the end of a hard-fought war. Seeing their closing demise, the machines send an assassin back in time to kill the mother of the man that’s lead to their downfall, and the humans send Michael Biehn back to stop … Read moreThe Retro-Active Abortionator
Fascist Awesome
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Dirty Harry (1971): Breakdown by Kain424 A .44 Magnum-wielding California cop breaks all the rules to track down a serial killer, spawning a genre and a half (read as: initiates a series of plot points that would become THE hard-boiled cop cliches). [THE EXECUTION] Dirty Harry is a movie that rails against a … Read moreFascist Awesome