[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Cobra (1986): Breakdown by RANTBO Right-wing psycho cop vs. right-protected psycho criminal. Whoever wins—we lose. [THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THEIR BADASSITUDE] THE HERO: Sylvester Stallone is The Cobra NAME: Lieutenant Marion ‘The Cobra’ Cobretti, LAPD: Zombie Squad STYLE: Leather motorcycle boots. American blue jeans, extra tight fit. A sloppy black shirt, covered … Read moreAMB: COBRA (1986)
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Bloodsport (1988): Breakdown by RANTBO Van Damme does the splits, beats people up, sweats and yells. A lot. [THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THEIR BADASSITUDE] THE HERO: Jean-Claude Van Damme is Frank Dux Jackson: His first fight in the Kumite, broke the fuckin’ world record! Yeah! Supposedly upon meeting Jean-Claude, the real Frank … Read moreAMB: BLOODSPORT (1988)
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Above The Law (1988): Breakdown by RANTBO CIA drug traffickers think they are above the law, but they aren’t above Seagal’s aikido. No one is. NO ONE. [THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THEIR BADASSITUDE] THE HEROES: Steven Seagal is Tac Sergeant, CPD VICE Nicola ‘Nico’ Toscani FBI Dick: Congratulations Toscani, you just made … Read moreAMB: ABOVE THE LAW (1988)
[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Predator (1987): Breakdown by RANTBO A team of mercenaries lead by Ah-Nuld fight for their lives against a 7’ 2½” trophy-hunting alien Rambo in a jungle. Wargasms ensue. [THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THEIR BADASSITUDE] THE HEROES: DUTCH’S RESCUE TEAM (NOT ASSASSINS) Left to Right, Top To Bottom Arnold Schwarzenegger is MAJ. Alan … Read moreAMB: PREDATOR (1987)
Rant here, and so is summer. Ah, summer. The season of sun, sweat, mandatory lawn care and big budget shitfeast movies. Many of which I’ve decided to boycott giving my $7.50 to. But all is not bleak, with the time and money I save going out to the theater, I’ll be able to focus my … Read moreTHE AOBG UPDATE: JUNE 2010