Why Do You Love Movies?

Amigos, it’s your buddy Rant with an article I recently threw together, in response to one I read a couple of days ago… HERE. Which in turn was a response to another article…HERE.

Which, if you choose not to read those, the sum-up is to create a list of reasons that answer the question: Why do you love movies?

So, in keeping with the whole ‘chain letter’ idea, I myself decided to answer the question:

Rantbo’s: Why Do I Love Movies?


Because of the feeling I get walking into a movie theater

Because Freddy Krueger posing as a hot nurse made my balls drop (this explains a lot about what’s wrong with me…)

Because Forrest Gump almost made me cry

Because King Aragorn almost made me cry, again

Because they gave me Nora Diniro

Because through them I’ve seen countless countries, terrains, cultures, animals and wonders I would have otherwise never been able to

Because they combine all the best art forms into one

Because millions of felonies are committed every day in order to keep forgotten ones alive

Because home video is a collector’s paradise

Because they make violence and sex, legal and safe

Because they make sugar and salt taste even better

Because of the literally countless conversations they’ve inspired

Because of the literally countless arguments they’ve caused

Because even in the year 2011, films like The Artist could still be made and appreciated

The Artist

Because of squibs

Because of the steady-cam

Because of black and white photography

Because of technicolor and sound

Because of practical effects

Because of the Wilhelm Scream

Because ‘Yippee Ki-yay, Mother Fucker’ and even ‘Yippee Ki-yay, Mister Falcon’

Because Chang Cheh made martial arts epic

Because Craig R. Baxley hates glass

Because David Fincher is a perfectionist

Because Edgar Wright is such a nerd

Because George Lucas can’t ruin the magic of Star Wars–no matter how hard he keeps trying to…

Because Guy Ritchie made crime cool again

Because Howard Hawks mastered every genre he attempted

Because Jackie Chan also hates glass

Because James Cameron made sequels better than their originals

Because Ji-woon Kim has yet to make something less than stellar

Because John Carpenter scored many of his own films

Because John Hughes defined and captured the ’80s at the same time

Because John McTiernan understood the importance of the ‘geography of the scene’

Because John Woo watched Le Samouraï and Wild Bunch and said ‘What if?…’


Because Kevin Smith worked at a convenience store

Because Luc Besson likes strong (and young) women

Because Michael Bay is so awful, he makes me appreciate every other director that much more

Because Michael Curtiz is the most known, unknown director of all time

Because Paul Verhoeven mixed extreme violence, nudity and science-fiction to create the greatest satires of western culture ever

Because Quentin Tarantino worked at a video store

Because Robert Rodriguez owned a turtle, and a guitar

Because Sam Peckinpah made violence an art-form

Because Sergio Leone understood the magic of anticipation better than anyone ever has, or ever will

Because Sidney Lumet turned dialogue into gunfire

Because Steven Spielberg gave us the Blockbuster

Because Walter Hill made A+, B Movies possible

Because Wes Craven read the Los Angeles Times

Because The Cohen Brothers know casting is half the battle

Because of Bob Simmons, Bill Cummings, Vic Armstrong and Al Leong

Because of Peter Hunt’s editing

Because of Shane Black’s writing

Because of Ennio Morricone, John Williams and Jerry Goldsmith

Because of Drew Struzan


Because of Stan Winston Studios & KNB EFX Group

Because of Bogie & Bacall, Hepburn & Tracy, Astaire & Rogers, Lake & Ladd

Because of Carpenter & Russell, Tarantino & Jackson, Scorsese & DeNiro, Raimi & Campbell, Woo & Yun-Fat

Because of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s one-liners

Because of Bruce ‘Don’t call me Ash’ Campbell’s chin (and the fact he has to call himself that)

Because of Bruce Lee’s chicken noises

Because of Bruce Willis’ smirk

Because of Chow Yun-Fat’s charisma

Because of Christian Slater’s Nicholson-esq drawl

Because of Christopher Walken’s pauses

Because of Chuck Norris’ facial hair

Because of Clint Eastwood’s squint

Because of Cynthia Rothrock’s scorpion kicks

Because of Ginger Roger’s legs

Because of Grocho Marx’s wit

Because of Humphrey Bogart’s cynical calmness


Because of Jack Nicholson’s grin

Because of Jackie Chan’s hospital bills

Because of James Cagney’s swagger

Because of James Spader’s sleazy-coolness

Because of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s splits

Because of Katharine Hepburn’s mannerisms

Because of Kane Hodder’s breathing

Because of Mel Gibson’s intensity

Because of Nic Cage’s eccentrics

Because of Patrick Swayze’s mullet

Because of Peter Lorre’s creepy voice

Because of Rita Hayworth’s voluptuous–hair

Because of Robert Mitchum’s sleepy-eyed indifference

Because of Samuel L. Jackson’s angry shouting

Because of Sean Connery’s accent

Because of Shintarô Katsu’s laugh

Because of Steven Seagal’s ponytail

Because of Sylvester Stallone’s mumbling

Because of Veronica Lake’s smoldering peek-a-boo stare


Because Marc came back for Ho (A Better Tomorrow, 1986)

Because ‘There’s no crying in baseball!’ (A League of Their Own, 1992)

Because Richy Vanderlow sang for his wife, Lucille (A Life Less Ordinary, 1997)

Because of Glen’s wet dream (A Nightmare On Elm Street, 1984)

Because of motherly instincts (Aliens, 1986)

Because of Tiny Dancer (Almost Famous, 1999)

Because Lester rules (American Beauty, 1999)

Because of Huey Lewis and the Newspapers (American Psycho, 2000)

Because Brick kills a guy (Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy, 2004)

Because Bluto had enough of that guitar (Animal House, 1978)

Because of ‘The Triple Lindy’ (Back To School ,1986)

Because Marty B Goode at guitar (Back To The Future, 1985)

Because of impromptu dance numbers (Bande à Part, 1964)

Because Charlie showed me the life of the mind (Barton Fink, 1991)

Because ‘It’s all in the reflexes’ (Big Trouble In Little China, 1986)

Because lust can open any locked door (Body Heat, 1981)

Because the bloodline ends with Longshanks (Braveheart, 1995)

Because Amilyn dies–? (Buffy The Vampire Slayer, 1992)

Because ‘The other three are figments of your fucking imagination!’ (Chasing Amy, 1997)

Because Chucky will teach you not to fuck with him! (Child’s Play, 1988)

Because J.J. was nosy (Chinatown, 1974)

J.J.'s Nose

Because Frank Shirley is a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit (Christmas Vacation, 1989)

Because “You’re not allowed to rent here anymore!” (Clerks., 1994)

Because of the best Lock ‘n Load scene ever (Commando, 1985)

Because Conan punched out a camel (Conan The Barbarian, 1982)

Because of the hottest kiss ever (Crank: High Voltage, 2009)

Because of that showdown for the soul (Crossroads, 1986)

Because Gibson makes Jesus look like a pussy (Cyborg, 1989)

Because of the greatest wheelchair race of all time (Days Of Thunder, 1990)

Because Kurt Russell breaks the forth wall (Death Proof, 2007)

Because Frankenstein swerved right at the hospital (Death Race 2000, 1975)

Because I didn’t see that shark attack coming (Deep Blue Sea, 1999)

Because of how McClain escapes the roof (Die Hard, 1988)

Because “You’ve gotta ask yourself a question: “Do I feel lucky?” Well, do ya, punk?” (Dirty Harry, 1971)

Because of the moment Django finally “raises the dead” (Django, 1966)

Because Milton never disrobes before a gun fight (Drive Angry, 2011)

Because of the most annoying sound in the world (Dumb & Dumber, 1994)

Because of that ass shot (Entrapment, 1999)

Because of “Bangkok rules” (Escape From L.A., 1996)

Because the king rides again (Excalibur, 1981)

Because of those three seconds when Troy exits his car (Face/Off, 1997)

Because “…now you’re gonna die, wearing that stupid little hat.” (Falling Down, 1993)

Because of that pool scene. You know the one (Fast Times At Ridgemont High, 1982)

Because the Badass dies (Feast, 2005)

Because Cameron killed the car (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, 1986)

Because ‘Jack’ kicked his own ass (Fight Club, 1999)


Because “There’s a putrid, rotting corpse of a dead whore stuck in the springs of the bed.” (Four Rooms, 1995)

Because “It’s the Staypuft Marshmellow Man” (Ghost Busters, 1984)

Because of Michael Myers sit-up technique (Halloween, 1978)

Because of the look on Tony’s face after he kills his boss (Hard Boiled, 1992)

Because “I love my dead, gay son!” (Heathers, 1989)

Because they ARE unappreciated scholars. And snobs. (High Fidelity, 2000)

Because to me–there is only one (Highlander, 1986)

Because the greatest flash mob turned real mob (Hot Rod, 2007)

Because she would have saved him (House Of Flying Daggers, 2004)

Because of the triple head-shot (Infernal Affairs, 2002)

Because the Jew hunter gets his (Inglourious Basterds, 2009)

Because of the computer simulated cliches (Jason X, 2001)

Because Big Ern wins (Kingpin, 1996)

Because of Ordinary World by Duran Duran (Layer Cake, 2004)

Because it’s “Not to be” (Last Action Hero, 1993)

Because of Léon’s final gift to Matilda (Léon, 1994)

Because beer is to J.J. what spinach is to Popeye (Lone Wolf McQuade, 1983)

Because He-Man has the power (Masters Of The Universe, 1987)

Because of the ace of spades (Maverick, 1994)

Because McBain takes down a plane–with a pistol (McBain, 1991)

Because Hunt’s face-mask charade and escape (Mission: Impossible II, 2000)

Because Hoover will pick you up, burn your house, fuck your wife, and kill your dog (Mulholland Falls, 1996)

Because Barney chose drinking and girls (My Blue Heaven, 1990)

Because Howard Beale is mad as Hell (Network, 1976)

Because Tracy saved Bond (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, 1969)

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Because they brought two too many (Once Upon A Time In The West, 1968)

Because Tequila! (Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, 1985)

Because of Captain Jack’s intro (Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl, 2003)

Because of Dutch’s warcry (Predator, 1987)

Because Howard brought a woman to orgasm on the radio (Private Parts, 1997)

Because “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.” (Pulp Fiction, 1994)

Because Harry taught me to ‘Talk hard.’ (Pump Up The Volume, 1990)

Because Indy brought a gun to a sword fight (Raiders Of The Lost Ark, 1981)

Because that ‘Wop’ didn’t (The Untouchables, 1987)

Because of how Rambo seals his wound (Rambo III, 1988)

Because of that inexplicable candy dish (Raw Deal, 1986)

Because of the Mexican standoff to end all Mexican standoffs (Reservoir Dogs, 1992)

Because pain may not hurt, but throat-rips sure beg to differ (Road House, 1989)

Because of the overkill (RoboCop, 1987)

Because Rocky owes those steps (Rocky, 1976)

Because “Hail, Satan!” (Rosemary’s Baby, 1968)

Because they didn’t know who they were fucking with (Scarface, 1983)

Because of what’s in the fucking box (Se7en, 1995)

Because of all the powers of Hell! (Sleeping Beauty, 1959)

Because of that kiss (Spider-Man, 2002)

Because Ricco stops being stupid and gets with Diz (Starship Troopers, 1997)

Because “It’s all gusshie” (Super, 2010)


Because of how Lucky Garnett got Penny Carroll her job back (Swing Time, 1936)

Because everybody’s gone surfin’. Surfin’ U.S.A. (Teen Wolf, 1985)

Because of the best reveal in cinematic history (yes, even better than Indy or Bond) (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, 1990)

Because the Yankees can take their apology and their trophy and shove ’em straight up their ass (The Bad News Bears, 1976)

Because this is not ‘Nam–there are rules (The Big Lebowski, 1998)

Because Jake takes off his shades (The Blues Brothers, 1980)

Because that cat is definitely dead (The Boondock Saints, 1999)

Because I know all there is to know about… (The Crying Game, 1992)

Because of that great magic trick (The Dark Knight, 2008)

Because it’s head-spinningly creepy (The Exorcist, 1973)

Because of the dance of the dinner rolls (The Gold Rush, 1925)

Because of the greatest standoff ever filmed (The Good, The Bad, The Ugly., 1966)

Because “Oh, wow!” indeed (The Goonies, 1985)

Because of the grand interruption (The Graduate, 1967)

Because the ol’ 96er (The Great Outdoors, 1988)

Because of a truck and a hard place (The Hitcher, 1986)

Because “Feed her!” (The Human Centipede (First Sequence), 2009)

Because of college girls in trouble (The Kentucky Fried Movie, 1977)

Because Joe Hallenbeck is a man of his word (The Last Boy Scout, 1991)

Because you can’t kill Mitch–mother fucker’s (The Long Kiss Goodnight, 1996)

Because the Hobbits bow to no one (The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King, 2003)

Because Neo IS the one (The Matrix, 1999)

Because of a death penalty I can fully agree with (The Meaning Of Life, 1983)

Because “Wolfman’s got nards” (The Monster Squad, 1987)

Because it ain’t over till the creepy girl crawls outta the TV (The Ring, 2002)

Because Squints is a little pervert (The Sandlot, 1993)

Because of subway drafts and frilly dresses (The Seven Year Itch, 1955)

Because the T-800 is a machine of his word (The Terminator, 1984)

Because I did not expect that chest trap (The Thing, 1982)

Because like that–he was gone (The Usual Suspects, 1995)

Because of the wicker man (The Wicker Man, 1973)

Because Nada is all outta bubblegum (They Live, 1988)

Because this one goes to eleven (This Is Spinal Tap, 1984)

Because Slim taught me how to whistle (To Have And Have Not, 1944)

Because it WAS the real Quade (Total Recall, 1990)

Because Rooster fills his hands (True Grit, 1969)

Because Vincenzo Coccotti ends his case of killer abstinence (True Romance, 1993)

Because “Good day to you, madam.” (Uncle Buck, 1989)

Because of Bohemian Rhapsody (Wayne’s World, 1992)


And because the second I post this list I’m going to think of another dozen or so reasons… and that’s pretty fucking awesome.

In temporary closing–Why Do You Love Movies?