![\"Iron](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/05\/Iron-Man-2.jpg\" "\\"Iron")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I got my gun at the ready, gonna fire at will\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n Over the past few weeks, whenever I passed over an article about Iron Man 2<\/strong>, the band AC\/DC<\/strong> seemed to keep catching my eye. Yet despite being a fan of the group, I lacked interest in discovering the why to their inclusion, so I ignored the rest of the text and moved on. Then the other day I was at a bookstore and saw the Iron Man 2<\/strong> soundtrack and gave it a once-over. Well, actually, I saw the price tag and picked it up on reflex as I had to see what could possibly be worth seventeen dollars. Turns out AC\/DC<\/strong> apparently loaned 15 or so tracks to the film. My first thought was, \u201cCool. I like AC\/DC.\u201d And my next thought was, \u201cHoly shit! Is Iron Man going to fight the Green Goblin truck from Maximum Overdrive<\/strong>!?, maybe I DO have to see this movie!\u201d So I went. And sad to say, the Goblin did not make a cameo. And weirder still, of all those AC\/DC<\/strong> songs the soundtrack boasted, I only heard two. So I guess the cameo went to Angus Young and crew.<\/p>\n And sadly, much like the one appropriate song choice, this movie Shot to Thrill, Played to Kill, but had Too many Woman, with too many unnecessary scenes of poorly executed character development–or however that song goes. But first, let\u2019s talk about the (Iron) Man of the hour himself.<\/p>\n You know him, you love him (even after The Soloist<\/strong>), and if you\u2019re like me, you happily paid your $7.50 to see him once again this past weekend: Robert Downey Jr. Returning for his sophomore performance (if you don\u2019t count The Incredible Hulk<\/strong>–I know I don\u2019t) as the reclusive, eccentric, billionaire genius, Tony \u2018I Am Iron Man\u2019 Stark.<\/p>\n Picking up six months after the surprisingly entertaining events of Iron Man 1<\/strong>, we join up with Tony as he makes an elaborate CG entrance to his own personal World\u2019s Fair. And we soon learn that A LOT can happen in just 6 months time: As mentioned, Tony has created his own Stark Enterprises Expo (the size of my home town) and filled it with scantily clad dancers and drooling fanboys. He\u2019s developed at least 2 or 3 new Iron Man suits. AND he\u2019s become deathly ill. SPOILER. As it turns out, having a prototype reactor embedded in your chest can cause some issues. Like blood poisoning, alcoholism and agreeing to appear in a sequel without script approval. Who would have guessed!? But these are just a few of many new obstacles for our hero to overcome in this 200+ million dollar issue!<\/p>\n To be fair, Iron Man 2<\/strong> was far less bloated than I thought it would be, but still, take a look at all the crap that has to be resolved in 2 hours\u2026<\/p>\n – Tony must find a way to un-poison himself Sure, it\u2019s no Spider-Man 3<\/strong> shitstorm of overly complicated plot, but it\u2019s no machine-gun robot-battle walk in the park, either.<\/p>\n And while a dense plot can be a good thing, I tend to believe it must first have two things: #1. Structure and #2. Good pacing. And this is where Iron Man 2<\/strong> fails, in my opinion, as it lacks both.<\/p>\n Taking an odd approach, the filmmakers decided to make this sequel heavily character based, as opposed to the usual: Bigger, Badder, More Computer Graphics Than You Can Handle angle so prevalent in these Super-Hero flicks you kids today all seem to enjoy. An approach which I happen to think was a fantastic idea, especially since Downey\u2019s performance is the heart and soul of this franchise. However\u2026 the story in which the character is wrapped up in was at best \u201cloose\u201d [read: flimsy as an Iron Man Halloween mask] and so poorly paced, I found myself wondering, \u201cSoooo, when\u2019s he gonna put on the fuckin\u2019 suit and punch someone?\u201d a feeling I previously would not have expected.<\/p>\n And it all seems to come down to typical sequelitus: too much shit, too little time. 99% of which = pure unnecessary filler. So much so, I equate Iron Man 2<\/strong> to being the \u201cQuantum Of Solace<\/strong>\u201d to Iron Man 1<\/strong>. No, it wasn\u2019t complete dogshit, but allow me to explain\u2026<\/p>\n You know how the ending of Casino Royale <\/strong>(2006) had Bond, essentially BECOME Bond? He says the line, captures the badguy, the theme music plays, etc. And you remember how great that was? It\u2019s the same type of feeling I got at the end of Iron Man 1<\/strong>. Tony\u2019s origin is laid out, he\u2019s in the groove and announced to the world, \u201cI am Iron Man.\u201d Cue Black Sabbath. Then, after the credits, they hint at Tony\u2019s next step, joining up with SHIELD and becoming one of the pillars of Marvel\u2019s ultimate super team. Now, back to Bond for a minute.<\/p>\n Aside from the #%*^%# shaky cam, the biggest issue I took with Quantum Of Solace<\/strong>, was that it seemed to put 007 two steps back. Not only did he not (really) catch the man behind his beloved’s death, he doesn\u2019t get around to doing ANYthing about it until a minute and a half before the end credits. Thus making the entire mess in-between, essentially, fucking pointless. He doesn\u2019t grow. He\u2019s just angry and jumping off buildings. His resolve and ability to move on all comes from that final scene, which in my opinion, should have been THE START of the sequel. And I feel Iron Man 2<\/strong> is in much the same vain.<\/p>\n With the exception of a kiss (more on that bullshit in a while), and a scene with Nick Fury, the character of Tony Stark is at exactly the same place he was back in 2008. Two minutes of actual story progression toward the Avengers (of which, SPOILER<\/span>–<\/strong>he still doesn\u2019t become a part of-END SPOILER<\/span><\/strong>) does not a worthwhile story make. One could argue that Tony works out some unresolved issues with the memory of his father, but really, who gives a shit? My main point being, the story was an almost complete throw-a-way. And a lengthy one at that. Not to mention, it\u2019s terrible lack of any and all logic. Screenwriter Justin Theroux takes suspension of disbelief to the border of apathy and Independence Day<\/strong>. There is this one scene in which Tony is piecing together the clues of his father\u2019s past work that, no joke, out does National Treasure<\/strong> by illogical leaps and bounds\u2026<\/p>\n SPOILER<\/span><\/strong>-After finding out that his dead father somehow anticipated that Tony would one day have a need to create a new element to combine with his magnetic blood cleaning arc-light chest reactor, Tony sets about to piecing together the puzzle of finding his dad\u2019s cryptic clues to salvation.<\/p>\n A couple minutes before the zero hour, Tony discovers a hidden \u2018map\u2019 left by his father by a shot-in-the-dark decision to scan his dad\u2019s old Stark-Expo model. Which, luckily, happened to be in storage. And by storage, I mean sitting against the wall in Pepper\u2019s office. Yeah. Then, after digitally removing 99% of the scan, Tony re-assembles the \u201cbuildings\u201d into the genetic blue-prints for his lifesaving new element. Which he then creates by firing an electrical-laser looking current through what looked like a diamond. And, problem solved! The new element manages to suck out all the metallic shrapnel and poison from Tony\u2019s bloodstream and\u2026 HUH!? This is shitty writing. I mean, they didn\u2019t even use some bullshit term like \u2018gamma-rays\u2019 or anything. Nothing is explained even within the context of the super-natural world in which it is happening, and thus, I call bullshit.-END SPOILER<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Back to that fucking kiss. So, SHOCKER, Tony and his sidekick secretary, Pepper Potts (once again played by the indie annoyance, Gwyneth Paltrow) end the pre-credits film with a big-ol\u2019 smooch-a-roo. Aw, isn\u2019t that sweet? Answer: NO. It\u2019s horrible. Not only does it make no sense as she\u2019s spent the last 3 days\u2026 to a year(?)(more on THAT, in a bit) essentially hating his guts for being so Tony Stark-esque, but her sudden turn-around to liking him makes her character come off as some kind of bi-polar nut-bar. And worse, this \u201clove\u201d scene completely ruins their well-established (and until this point, shockingly un-annoying),\u00a0 flirtatious relationship. Which just sucks, you guys.<\/p>\n Rewind once again back to the story, so I can explain that whole \u201c3-days to a year\u201d thing. The bookends of the film both take place at the aforementioned Stark Expo. A year long event. Now it goes without saying that the filmmakers shot these two sequences back-to-back, so they are already obviously similar. But on top of that, both take place at nighttime and under the exact conditions. Compile this with Tony\u2019s rapid, seemingly overnight large increment leaps in blood toxicity and the year-round sunny California weather and the film seems as though it\u2019s taking place over the course of a long weekend as opposed to what I assume was intended to be many, many months. And when this feeling gets combined with the flimsy story the film feels both long AND rushed at the same time. It\u2019s fuckin\u2019 bizarre.<\/p>\n The only evidence to support a longer timeframe being closer to a year is Mickey Rourke\u2019s character, Ivan Vanko\u2019s arc. So let\u2019s move on to that\u2026<\/p>\n Immediately the word \u2018pathetic\u2019 comes to mind. Again, this is largely attributed to his, and every other supporting character\u2019s weak-ass storyline, but Ivan\u2019s is arguably the worst given that he is the supposed \u2018main villain\u2019 of the picture. Essentially Vanko is out for vengeance against Stark because their fathers were once partners, but when Vanko Sr. went apeshit, Stark Sr. sent his ass packing to Russia. Where, 30+ years later he died, penniless, of old age. You know, that old hat. But I didn\u2019t have any problem with this. My issue with Ivan Vanko is far more shallow: I think he looks like a fucking asshat.<\/p>\n Ever since The Wrestler<\/strong>, Mickey Rourke has gotten entirely too much freedom to be crazy ol\u2019 Mick in Hollywood, and I for one am not a fan of his comeback. Which is not to say I don\u2019t like Rourke, this is not true. Harley Davidson and the Marlbro Man<\/strong> was pretty good. It\u2019s just that Mickey is a tad bit left of the middle of my Acceptable Weird-Mother-Fucker-O\u2019Meter. What started as the inclusion of his pet dog in Once Upon A Time In Mexico<\/strong>, has now become an eccentric nightmare. In short, he\u2019s been allowed to interject too much of his punch-drunk, drug addled psychosis into his recent projects.\u00a0 Just look at this guy\u2026<\/p>\n – Blue-ish\/Purple Shit locks. Plus, he\u2019s Russian. Why not just add a peg leg and lone him Nick Fury\u2019s eye patch to complete the entire Fire-Island Pirate ensemble and get it over with. This was distracting and fucking silly.<\/p>\n Speaking of overrated actors\u2026 Scarlett Johansson. What can I say about her that hasn\u2019t already been said about novelty super-model room posters. Both are sexy, expressionless, flat and really only interesting to pre-teen boys and dorm room douche bags. Sorry fanboys, but big tits only go so far. As far as I\u2019m concerned, Woody Allen can keep her. Also, if you happened to see the trailer, you\u2019ve already seen her entire performance, save for one scene with Nick Fury\u2026<\/p>\n And as far as Samuel L. Jackson goes, well, he\u2019s great. Who doesn\u2019t love this guy? He’s even wearing his coat from Shaft,<\/strong> if I’m not mistaken. But one of his two scenes really stuck in my craw. Shortly after Tony hits his 2nd act low, Fury shows up to talk\/shout some sense into him at a donut shop. If that\u2019s not silly enough, Scarlett Johansson shows up and for no explained reason, is wearing a cat-suit. And the whole thing looks as though it was originally intended to be an animated segment. Kinda like the ‘Missing’ Funeral Scene in Clerks<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Then there’s Tony’s partner in anti-crime, Don Cheadle. Well, despite what his self-satisfying dialogue would suggest, he’s not much of a Bad-Ass. He\u2019s more like a Don Cheadle. Only in a shiny metal outfit.\u00a0 His scenes with Tony fall flat due to the fact the audience is not really given enough time to adjust to the change of appearance. Which is REALLY awkward during one of the lamer fights between War Machine and Iron Man at Tony\u2019s birthday. That\u2019s all I really have to say about him. I originally planned a whole comparison thing about the similarities between that sequence and Spider-Man 3<\/strong>\u2019s Emo Dance segment, but then I read Vern\u2019s review and he already claimed reference to it and made his argument against it. So now I\u2019m not going to. But I still think they\u2019re similar, despite Vern\u2019s justification. So there.<\/p>\n You know, Terrence Howard may have been a chore to deal with on the set, but at least the guy was tall and stoic. Now I\u2019m no studio executive, but I think Howard may have been worth the extra cost and trivial absurd requests like a brandy glass full of brown M&Ms or baby wipes or whatever else he may have wanted.<\/p>\n Lets see, who\u2019s left\u2026 Ah, Sam Rockwell. Tony\u2019s battle to retain Iron Man\u2019s sole manufacturing rights and his feud with his lead competitor, Hammer, was oddly, the most interesting aspect of the film. Rockwell was practically a clone of his character in Charlie\u2019s Angels<\/strong>*, complete with the goofy dancing, only better because this film didn\u2019t suck balls. I really wish this had been the sole story arc, as it was easily what saved the film from dropping into the dogshit zone. A great choice to go toe-to-toe with Downy, Rockwell rocked the house. I would have even gone so far as to nix all the crazy action scenes in exchange for more snappy back-and-forth between these two. But, sadly, this is a summer blockbuster and the CG explosions are a prerequisite.<\/p>\n *Another comparison Vern beat me to. But fuck it, I’m leaving this one in. It’s not my fault I had to wait until Saturday night to see this damn thing…<\/p>\n While the action was overly animated and at times hard to comprehend, the scenes were few and far between, so they didn\u2019t really bother me all that much. Instead, they just kinda made me feel indifferent. I did, however, find the final showdown to be a bit anti-climactic, and WAY too similar to the first film\u2019s. SPOILER<\/span><\/strong>-I mean, do we REALLY need to have another battle between \u201cIron Man\u201d suits?-END SPOILER<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n I realize how negative this review must be coming across, but I assure you, I didn\u2019t hate this movie. I guess I\u2019m just a bit shocked at how blazingly mediocre it all was. Back in \u201808, I decided to skip part 1 in the theaters. It was only after my trusted friend convinced me that it was actually a Super-Hero movie worth my time, did I balk and check it out at a matinee. And he was right. It was fresh, had a non-annoying origin story, and Robert Downey Jr. was a God damned marvel. It was smart, fast and funny. Three aspects I found to be in short supply this time around. The one thing director John Favreau did seem take from part one and expand on, rather than deplete with a sub-par story, was his performance of Happy Hogan, Tony\u2019s chauffeur. I swear, he has more screen time than Mickey Rourke! It\u2019s so weird.<\/p>\n The saving grace of the film is, of course, Downey. The guy was born to play this role. He\u2019s so charismatic and lively, he instantly brightens every scene, making the film a worthwhile endeavor. It\u2019s just a shame the story wasn\u2019t more important, engaging and necessary to be told. Every problem is new and becomes resolved mere minutes later. It\u2019s so concise and unnecessary, the character of Tony Stark moved but an inch, when he could have flown a mile. Plus they cut that funny helmet kissing scene with Tony and Pepper. What a bunch of bullshit. I\u2019d say wait and catch it on video, but I know you won\u2019t.\u00a0 At least you\u2019ll get to see Jr vamp like a pro for a couple hours and I\u2019d say that\u2019s worth the price of admission.<\/p>\n I got my gun at the ready, gonna fire at will\u2026 Over the past few weeks, whenever I passed over an article about Iron Man 2, the band AC\/DC seemed to keep catching my eye. Yet despite being a fan of the group, I lacked interest in discovering the why to their inclusion, so I … Read morerAnT THE MOVIES: Iron Man 2<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7154","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7154","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7154"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7154\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7154"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7154"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7154"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"He](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/05\/He-Is-Iron-Man.jpg\" "\\"He")
<\/p>\n
\n– Tony must come to grips with his own mortality
\n– Tony must deal with his daddy issues
\n– Tony must fight an enigmatic villain with ties to his past
\n– Tony must outsmart the government and retain legal ownership of the Iron Man suits
\n– Tony must cope with\/stay ahead of his competition in the Global Peace\/Weapons race
\n– Tony must find a successor to Stark Industries, should something happen to him (see point one)
\n– Tony must deal with his hidden love for his assistant
\n– Tony must patch up his shaken friendship with Terence Howard<\/span> Don Cheadle
\n– Tony must set up the inevitable Avengers movie
\n– And Tony must save everyone from Mickey Rourke\u2019s idiosyncratic posturing<\/p>\n![\"BULLSHIT!\"](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/05\/BULLSHIT.jpg\" "\\"BULLSHIT!\\"")
<\/p>\n![\"Gay](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/05\/Gay-Pirate.jpg\" "\\"Gay")
<\/p>\n
\n– Gay 60s hippy shades.
\n– Gollum fingernails.
\n– An Iron Cross necklace.
\n– Prison tats.
\n– A skin-tight hoodie.
\n– Gold teeth.
\n– Goofy facial hair.
\n– And a fucking cockatoo.<\/p>\n![\"It's](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/05\/Its-The-One-That-Says-Bad-Ass-One-Eyed-Mother-Fucker.jpg\" "\\"It's")
<\/p>\n6<\/span> outta<\/span> 10<\/span><\/h1>\n
![\"Tastes](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/05\/Tastes-A-Little-Peppery.jpg\" "\\"Tastes")
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"