{"id":5008,"date":"2010-01-20T02:30:30","date_gmt":"2010-01-20T09:30:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/main\/?p=5008"},"modified":"2010-01-20T02:30:30","modified_gmt":"2010-01-20T09:30:30","slug":"smokin-aces-2-same-shit-worse-movie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/smokin-aces-2-same-shit-worse-movie\/","title":{"rendered":"Smokin’ Aces 2: Same Shit, Worse Movie"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Smokin\u2019<\/p>\n

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

Smokin\u2019 Aces 2: Assassins\u2019 Ball (2010): Breakdown by Rantbo<\/span><\/h3>\n

Smokin\u2019 Aces (now with 100% LESS, Buddy \u2018Aces\u2019 Israel and his contracted demise) 2 (this isn\u2019t a sequel): Assassins\u2019 Ball (another lie\u2014literally and figuratively, there isn\u2019t one). Hmm. Well\u2014BANG! BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!!! Good enough?<\/p>\n

[THE EXECUTION]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

While I made sure to not allow my previous luke-warm distaste for the \u201cFirst\u201d film taint my perspective before giving this prequel a chance, it still started out, pre-viewing, with two strikes against it as, #1 The title is just plain fuckin\u2019 retarded, and #2, it\u2019s directed by P.J. \u2018LOST BOYS 2\u2019 Pesce (Raper Of Childhood Hopes And Dreams). So not off to a good start.<\/p>\n

\"Bullet<\/p>\n

OK, allow me to begin with the story (so far as I was able to piece it together into something coherent\u2026) The film begins much like it\u2019s \u201csequel\u201d with a large free-market contract being placed on the head of someone under heavy protection. In this case, a wheelchair bound FBI desk-jockey played by a slumming (hard to believe, I know) Tom Berenger. While the reason he is wanted dead is essentially the \u201cmystery\u201d of the film, I won\u2019t spoil it, but it\u2019s pretty inconsequential anyways after being buried beneath the sub-par acting and slow-mo fetishsized shoot outs. So Berenger is moved to a secret underground bunker, located beneath a secret government jazz club (for some reason), to wait out his contract\u2019s mysterious short-window payout time-frame. And, of course, a bunch of loud-mouth, jack-off hitmen storm the place and much chaos ensues. ~Fin~<\/p>\n

\"Bloody<\/p>\n

While this sounds like a fine and dandy set-up for a mad-cap action flick, it is told through such an abrasive narrative that jumps from insane sensory overload to eye-rubbing, mind-numbingly boring dialogue and exposition, that I just found myself getting sleepy. And I was actually shocked that they managed to make a movie with even less character development and more stylized horseshit than SMOKIN\u2019 ACES. A feat I figured impossible. And the shit just doesn\u2019t add up. Again, I was a little sleepy toward the end, but I think I still have some questions that went unanswered\u2026<\/p>\n

– Why did Vinnie Jones\u2019s character fall in love with the Latina chick 10 minutes after meeting her?
\n– Why is this a prequel? Was it really just so they could get ONE of the three dead Tremor brothers back?
\n– Was I really supposed to give a shit about the 19 or so FBI agents, half of which the filmmakers deemed worthy enough to have their own freeze-frame title cards, yet died in just the same non-descript \u201cWait, who was that?\u201d manner as the ones who didn\u2019t?
\n– And are Oliver Stone and Guy Richie going to sue for creative theft?<\/p>\n

The whole thing just screams \u201cIll-conceived!\u201d But, I did enjoy a few aspects. While not nearly as great as the films it\u2019s homaging (ripping off), the big shoot-out in the jazz club was fairly entertaining. I say fairly as 95% of the bullets fired hit nothing but air and d\u00e9cor, but when the other 5% connect, it was bloody clear and made for some great kill-shots.<\/p>\n

\"2<\/p>\n

Some great character-actors fill in a handful of the minor roles (glorified cameos), including Tommy Flanagan (Scarfaced dude from BRAVEHEART and SIN CITY), Michael Parks (Earl McGraw from those good movies of this ilk), Ernie Hudson (The Black Ghostbuster) and the previously mentioned, Vinnie Jones (on loan from Guy Richie). So it was nice to see all of them. And while most of the \u201czany\u201d humor (see the Epic Moment) fell flat as a titless board, there were several moments (nearly all involving Michael Parks) that genuinely cracked a smile on my sour puss. But in the end, it just wasn\u2019t enough to get my eyes to pop open with any enthusiastic longevity.\u00a0 So I give it a dead-center middle grade. With all the really great and really shitty DTV flicks that have been springing up lately, it was only a matter of time before some middle-of-the-road crap popped it\u2019s head out of the B-Movie\u2019s bum to say \u201cHowdy!\u201d and that\u2019s SMOKIN\u2019 ACES 2: ASSASSINS\u2019 BALL. I\u2019d recommend watching it only if you\u2019re a big SMOKIN\u2019 fan, or if you\u2019re seriously deprived of new action flicks to devour.<\/p>\n

[HOW BAD-ASS ARE THE MAIN CHARACTERS?]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

Fucking ensemble movies\u2026 Short and bitter, here we go:<\/p>\n

\"The<\/p>\n

The Target: Tom Berenger<\/span><\/h3>\n

Tom Berenger. I thought he was dead. A quick IMDb check, and it turns out it was just his career. So\u2014Tommy plays the role of the rat-race cheese and spends nearly all of his screen time wheelchair bound, performing impossible card tricks and mumbling out his hackie dialogue, that when played backwards sounds like \u201cWhat\u2026fuck\u2026career?\u2026Paycheck\u2014paycheck\u2026.\u201d So, no. He didn\u2019t put any foot to ass, he just sat around on his own.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/p>\n

The Feds: Christopher Michael Holly, Clayne Crawford, David Richmond-Peck, Jason Schombing, Jared Keeso, Hrothgar Mathews<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

How could I pick just one when I hated them all!? Every last one a stereotype and yet only one of any actual character: Redstone, the homophobic dickhead. I know it sounds fuckin\u2019 impossible, but it\u2019s true. What\u2019s worse, only two of these guys manage to pull off anything remotely badass. Little survives a shootout and Baker gets the most satisfying kill (more on this later, obviously) and that\u2019s it. The rest are just undeveloped cannon-fodder.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/p>\n

The Tremors: Michael Parks, Maury Sterling, C. Ernst Harth, Autumn Reeser<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Remember how cool those three guys were in the future? Rhetorical and nonsensical. And badly worded. Ignore that question. Ah, The Tremors. The sole (so far as I can gather) reason for this prequel. And two of them said \u201cNo thanks\u201d to reprising their roles. Well, that\u2019s just fine. Where there\u2019s a Lester, there\u2019s a way. Adding to the pathetic re-gathering of the sole \u201creturning\u201d Tremor is Papa, Sis and Other Brother that nobody knew or cared existed. The father\u2019s played by Michael Parks, and as I mentioned above is the saving grace of this venture, but as for the rest, I pose a question: Is this the best y\u2019all could do\u2014seriously? A loud mouth cunt and a retard? These rejects might be believable as the cock-of-the-walk in a trailer court, but in the world of high-stakes assassination, I\u2019m not buying it. In fact, I have serious doubts this family could pull off so much as a parking violation without getting caught. BUT, they blow a lot of shit up and the trashiest one shows her bell-A butt-un, WHOO HOO!!!<\/p>\n

\"The<\/p>\n

The Assassins: Martha Higareda, Vinnie Jones, Tommy Flanagan, Shitty Movie<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

I feel bad for all three of these actors. Vinnie Jones\u2019s collective time spent on set must have been just shy of a weekend for all the on-screen time he\u2019s featured in. The woman is present solely for her willingness to parade around in lingerie. And Flanagan is fuckin\u2019 wasted as his character spends 90% of the film disguised as someone else.\u00a0 But still, these few hold all the BA cards. Martinez is easily the best developed and most interesting female of either of the films (which I know, is still not saying much). And as for Jones and Flanagan\u2019s characters, they have great killer traits and vicious, violent backgrounds, but the problem is, only one of them ever gets used in the field, and it\u2019s the same angle they used in the first film. And this idea of character style over character substance seems to be the recurring theme, as almost every single opportunity the set-up of this film had to be a slice of BadAss entertainment, was pissed away in favor of over complication and stylization.<\/p>\n

[THE BODY COUNT: 44]
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"Drillin'<\/p>\n

Oddly enough, that Arab up above lives. Well, so far as we know. Everyone else, not so much. Of the named characters about 4 of them make it to the credits, the rest end up slaughtered through various means, and along with the Michael Parks, make the film quite watchable. Not good, but watchable. Here’s a quick tally for ya:<\/p>\n

– Martinez kills a priest with a poisonous kiss
\n– AK kills man with an AK
\n– Lester shoots 2 soldiers
\n– AK shoots 1 soldier
\n– Soot kills a man by slitting his throat
\n– Tremors kill 3 carnies
\n– Soot shoots Dumare
\n– Martinez poisons a rapist
\n– Lester kills 2 agents with a combat bow and another with a sniper rifle
\n– Lester fires 2 bomb strapped midgets into a bar
\n– Soot shoots a Fed
\n– Vinnie shoots 2 Feds
\n– Martinez kills 2 Feds, 1 with a gun 1 with a throwing star
\n– Lester shoots a Fed
\n– Baby gattling-guns 3 Feds
\n– Fritz shoots a Fed
\n– A Fed shoots Martinez
\n– McTeague sticky grenades Baby
\n– Fritz shoots McTeague
\n– Soot shoots Agent Abrego and Another Fed
\n– Lester rocket launches 3 feds
\n– AK shoots Agent Nicholas
\n– Agent Baker shoots AK
\n– Flashback: Martinez poisons a Russian – Soot shoots 2 Iraqis
\n– Walter blows up a Fed and Fritz
\n– Agent Baker shoots Walter<\/p>\n

[MOST SATISFYING DEATH]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

AK Is Not A-OK<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"AK's<\/p>\n

Do I really need to explain why I was glad that the whitetrash skank finally died? She was loud, Southern, stupid, obnoxious and loud. And with those powers combined, became a source of unending suck.\u00a0 I think, since he had worked with her before, the director thought this would be a cute and fun role for his cute and fun little friend. And like so many other things, P.J. was wrong. But, at least he had the good sense to send her off fast, bloody and in the middle of one of her insufferable squawking redneck rants.<\/p>\n

[DUDESWEAT AND MACHISMO]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

Well, the Feds clearly all want to slide their government issued barrettas into one-another\u2019s holsters. This is shown by their arm-nudging, douchie \u201chumorous\u201d banter and almost non-stop ass-grabbery. Especially Agent Redstone.<\/p>\n

\"So<\/p>\n

His one defining character trait is that he becomes enraged when the subject of a past operation involving a transvestite is brought up. He is so defensive and touchy about it, that he couldn\u2019t be anything less than a self-hating closet case. For further proof, one only needs to look at his unabashed excitement toward dirty magazines and his over-acting disgust when the mock question as to whether or not the girl he\u2019s fawning over is a post-op man. And while the intention of his character was clearly for comedy\u2019s sake, he inadvertently becomes the sole interesting character on the FBI side of the film just by being different.<\/p>\n

[EXPLOITATION AND MISOGYNY]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"Mexican<\/p>\n

While on the surface it seems like the women of SA2:AB seem like strong, independent forces to be reckoned with, I saw the deep seated misogyny hidden beneath. Both of them use their bodies and sex to get the kill, which is fine (you gotta use what tools you have), BUT the manner in which it is handled is slightly less than tasteful. Which, don’t get me wrong, is just the way I like it, but it doesn’t lend the ladies too much credibility to their “craft”. It comes off making them seem silly and only capable of scoring very naive hits.<\/p>\n

Tremor is clearly a whore, bucking and screaming like a wild animal in heat before her ludicrous kills. And Martinez spends nearly the entire film strutting around in leather underwear, easily duping every sad-sack she happens to come across.\u00a0 And I take a mild offense to this. Are men really so stupid and easily lead to not question a beautiful stranger (clearly out of their league), whom upon approach strips before even so much as an introduction? Maybe before AIDS, but I’d like to think most men would AT LEAST have some small reservations to the situation. They say “Never look a gift horse in the mouth.” but this does not apply when the gift could contain dick-rot and\/or death. Oh, and both of these ladies die in manners un-befitting their supposed “talents” as leading hit-women.<\/p>\n

[EPIC MOMENT AND BEST ONE-LINER]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

EP-M: Clown Go Boom<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"The<\/p>\n

Now while most would see this as a positive peak of the film\u2019s entertainment, I don\u2019t. It could have been, \u2018cuz fuck knows I hate clowns. But, like everything else, they messed it all up. So, how does one fuck up firing a midget clown strapped with explosives out of a cannon into a bar? By knowing that it\u2019s the best idea they had. As not only is the Tremors’s reason for obtaining the human-ammo and firing device explained away by being a \u201cgood idea for a fa\u00e7ade\u201d (which still makes no sense), but the filmmakers made a point to keep reminding us of just how \u201cclever\u201d the idea was. Not only do they do it twice and later they show one of the Feds picking up a blood-filled Binky nose, they STILL couldn\u2019t resist mentioning it one more time in the post-film text wrap-up. So the whole thing just ended up seeming force-fed and like a pathetic plea for acceptance.<\/p>\n

THE LINE:<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"Michael<\/p>\n

Fritz:<\/span> U\u2019all be careful\u2014them clown fuckars can be dangerous. The little ones can be lethal. I always make it a point to not cross swords with carnies and harlots\u2026 Satan\u2019s little secret agents\u2014collectin\u2019 souls on the side. I saw one of them little bastards levitate one time, took the heart out of a great dane! ~ArrArrArrArr~ Ate it whole, just like dat! Sent me runnin\u2019 for my bible.<\/strong><\/p>\n

[THE MORAL OF THE STORY]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

Michael Parks is too good for this schlock.<\/p>\n

[THE CHECKLIST: 15 outta 25]<\/span><\/h2>\n

[\u00a0 ] Athlete(s) Turned \u201cActor\u201d
\n[\u00a0 ] Clinging To The Outside Of A Moving Vehicle
\n[\u00a0 ] Crotch Attack
\n[X] Dialogue Telling Us How Bad-Ass The Main Character(s) Is\/Are
\n[\u00a0 ] Ending Featuring An Ambulance, A Blanket or A Towel
\n[X] Factory\/Warehouse
\n[X] Giant Explosion(s)
\n[X] Heavy Artillery
\n[\u00a0 ] Improvised Weapon(s)
\n[X] Macho Mode(s) Of Transportation
\n[X] Main Character Sports Facial Accessory(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Manly Embrace(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Notorious Stunt-Man Sighting
\n[X] Passage(s) Of Time Via Montage
\n[X] Politically Fueled Plot Point(s)
\n[X] Senseless Destruction Of Property
\n[X Shoot Out(s) and\/or Sword Fight(s)
\n[X] Slow-Motion Finishing Move(s)\/Death(s)
\n[X] Stupid Authoritative Figure(s)
\n[X] Substance Usage and\/or Abuse
\n[\u00a0 ] Tis The Season
\n[X] Torture Sequence(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Unnecessary Sequel
\n[\u00a0 ] Vehicle Chase(s)
\n[X] Vigilante Justice<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n

\"Suffer<\/p>\n

Smokin’ Aces 2: Assassins’ Ball (2010) \u00a9 Universal Studios Home Entertainment<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Smokin\u2019 Aces 2: Assassins\u2019 Ball (2010): Breakdown by Rantbo Smokin\u2019 Aces (now with 100% LESS, Buddy \u2018Aces\u2019 Israel and his contracted demise) 2 (this isn\u2019t a sequel): Assassins\u2019 Ball (another lie\u2014literally and figuratively, there isn\u2019t one). Hmm. Well\u2014BANG! BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!!! Good enough? [THE EXECUTION] While I made sure to not allow my previous luke-warm … Read moreSmokin’ Aces 2: Same Shit, Worse Movie<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[1527],"class_list":["post-5008","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-smokin-aces-2-assassins-ball"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5008","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5008"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5008\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5008"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5008"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5008"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}