![\"end_of_days\"](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/end_of_days_ver2.jpg\" "\\"end_of_days\\"")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
A down on his luck former cop battles Satan to prevent the Apocalypse.<\/p>\n
After Eraser<\/strong>, Arnold took a three year break from straight<\/strong> Action films. While Arnie made an infamous appearance in Batman & Robin<\/strong>, it certainly wasn’t seen as a return to form. In his absence, effects-heavy spectacle films took a firm hold on the genre.\u00a0 Early in 1999, The Matrix<\/strong> was released to great acclaim, but would only cause further emphasis on effects and unlikely, “geek” heroes.\u00a0 End Of Days<\/strong> promised to restore an old school integral part to Action films: the weathered bad-ass.<\/p>\n The trailers promised one-liners, effects, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and even fun turns from great actors.\u00a0 In short, this was a film designed to please everyone.\u00a0 What the filmmakers didn’t seem to realize was that audiences had grown to be a more fickle bunch over the course of the 1990s.\u00a0 These audiences were younger and demanded a newer bunch of heroes they could relate to; the effects had become such a focal point that even a script such as this demanded huge, tentpole moments to wow viewers; and Arnold Schwarzenegger was looking to “branch out” and try more serious roles.\u00a0 As a result of that last bit, the script became less tongue in cheek over the course of the film’s production.\u00a0 So much so, in fact, that a few of the one-liners advertised in the trailers would end up on the cutting room floor before the movie’s release.<\/p>\n While many were disappointed in the end product, I think the film has actually aged rather well.\u00a0 The directing is still as poor as the pacing, and the “acting” is as unbalanced as the ending, but there are several great moments left intact.\u00a0 The haunting score is great, and combined with the film’s New York location and dark, gritty cinematography End Of Days<\/strong> has a terrific noir <\/em>feel.\u00a0 And while the darkness is a bit much at times, I sort of liked this look.\u00a0 I only wish the editing wasn’t so apparent.\u00a0 The effects are great, especially the make-up and the explosions are assisted by some nice stuntwork.\u00a0 After having heart surgery, Arnold was clearly pulling a John Wayne and attempting a more physical performance to prove he was still quite well.\u00a0 This ends up selling the downtrodden character he plays as a reckless, devil-may-care individual.<\/p>\n And after Schwarzenegger had battled everything from wizards to space aliens to small armies, the minions of Satan and the big guy himself are really all that was left for the Austrian Oak to conquer.\u00a0 The film’s script is all over the place in terms of quality, but it does manage to pit Arnie’s image against its self-created stereotype.\u00a0 This incarnation of Arnold is far less concerned about his physique or hygiene.\u00a0 While remaining a smart-ass, he still manages to portray an emotional wreck.\u00a0 Where his iron will would usually pull him through each of his previous pictures, here Schwarzenegger suffers from a crisis of confidence and a complete lack of faith.<\/p>\n End Of Days<\/strong> features a great performance by Gabriel Byrne as Satan, a smooth-talking and cooler than shit, conniving master of evil.\u00a0 Were the movie a simple thriller, he easily could have made the whole thing worthwhile off his insidious presence.\u00a0 Fortunately, the movie gave us a bit more, allowing the flick to become part Action movie, part horror romp, and almost all fun.\u00a0 What other film can claim to feature the Terminator throwing the Devil out a highrise window?<\/p>\n Jericho is the Schwarzenegger version of John McClane from Die Hard With A Vengeance<\/a> (in fact he even “borrows” dialog from him), being a frequently drunk man on the edge of despair.\u00a0 While the character’s backstory is much darker than that of McClane, they are played with the same hung-over-but-cocksure manner.\u00a0 Despite contemplating suicide early on in the picture (a clear lift from Lethal Weapon<\/a>), he is a man with a sense of duty and can rise to the occasion when called upon.<\/p>\n I think the filmmakers made a conscious decision to make him, despite his faithless ways and drinking problem, into some sort of Christ-figure.\u00a0 They give him the same initials, have him get tempted by Satan, and even go so far as to crucify him.\u00a0 His valiant fight against those performing the act, and also his subsequent survival, makes him way more of a bad-ass than Jesus could ever hope to be.\u00a0 Jericho doesn’t need to turn water into wine when he can turn beer, pepto bismol, old pizza and stale Chinese food into a breakfast smoothee.\u00a0 And check this shit out:<\/p>\n -Gets shot twice but continues in his pursuit of his attacker So yeah, Cane’s a bad-ass.\u00a0 When confronted by a priest on the power of “faith”, he has this to say:<\/p>\n “Between your faith and my Glock 9mm, I’ll take my Glock.”<\/strong><\/p>\n Because it takes BALLS<\/em> to battle the Dark Lord with a fuckin’ gat<\/em>!\u00a0 And Jericho has at least three.<\/p>\n Owing to the film’s horror movie ancestry, there is occasionally large amounts of gore to be seen.\u00a0 People bleed out, are blown in half, and shot in dark alleyways.\u00a0 Others are blown up, stabbed, or get their necks broken.\u00a0 Arnold manages to kill 14 people<\/a>, including CCH Pounder twice.<\/p>\n But, naturally, it’s Satan that manages the largest amount of kills.\u00a0 In his explosive entrance, an entire restaurant is destroyed and I counted about 28 people inside the place before it blew.\u00a0 Later on, he has sex with a couple women who seem to be melting into him, but I cannot confirm whether or not they die.<\/p>\n [flashvideo filename=videos\/EndOfLady.avi.FLV \/]<\/p>\n Like something out of a Sam Raimi film (in fact, he was approached to direct… what a missed opportunity!), this scene is as scary as it is funny.\u00a0 It pretty much happens out of nowhere, too, making it all the more jarring.\u00a0 Arnold having trouble with a little old lady?\u00a0 If this was the only awesome thing in the movie, it would be worth the price alone.<\/p>\n One could assume the relationship between Kevin Pollock’s character and Jericho Cane goes beyond “just friends”, but the matter is never really delved into.\u00a0 Jericho shoots Pollock at point blank in the arm and not only does he just take it, but his lack of extreme emotional response hilariously suggests that this sort of thing may have occurred before.\u00a0 It’s clear Jericho was the butch in that relationship.<\/p>\n Despite being around the young and attainable Robin Tunney, Arnold never seems to have even a touch of sexual chemistry with the woman.\u00a0 In fact, the only heterosexual in the film is Satan, solidifying the movie’s stance that straight people are evil.<\/p>\n A woman and her daughter engage in a three-way with the Devil, melding into him while making out with each other.\u00a0 We get to see some titty, but the CGI melting process is what will catch your eye.\u00a0 That, and the fact that it’s pretty disgusting.\u00a0 But hey, he’s Satan.<\/p>\n If they aren’t seen as whores for Satan, women really aren’t seen at all.\u00a0 Robin Tunney gets the privilege of being this film’s damsel in distress.\u00a0 She cries, looks fearful, screams, and gets captured.\u00a0 In a movie where Satan’s would-be bride is a major plot-point, it’s almost appalling there is so little development.<\/p>\n The Devil visits Jericho and tempts him with the possibility of getting back his dead wife and child.\u00a0 In return, Satan only wants the location of the girl chosen to be his bride.\u00a0 When Jericho refuses, the Lord of Darkness calmly threatens him, telling him “See, now you’re upsetting me.\u00a0 You don’t want to see me upset.\u00a0 Believe me.”<\/strong><\/p>\n What Arnold says next is one of the greatest lines of dialog ever spoken in Action cinema.\u00a0 The man who fought off the Predator, defeated two separate, superior Terminator models, hundreds of unnamed villains, and even powerful dark wizards now angrily retorts:<\/p>\n “Oh, you want to fuck with me!?\u00a0 You think you know bad, huh?”<\/strong><\/p>\n Allow me to reiterate\u2014Schwarzenegger calls Satan\u2014SATAN!\u2014a “Fucking Choir Boy”. Wow. The epic moment occurs almost directly afterward.\u00a0 Satan dangles Schwarzenegger out of his apartment’s window, offering to save his life if he joins the dark side.\u00a0 Arnold yells, “Fuck you!” and throws the bastard out the window, sending him crashing down onto a car below.\u00a0 Fucking legendary.<\/p>\n It is in our darkest hour that we must hold onto our faith.\u00a0 And religious films about the end of the world can be as entertaining as Hell.\u00a0 Pun intended.<\/p>\n [THE CHALK-OUTLINE] End Of Days (1999): Breakdown by Kain424 A down on his luck former cop battles Satan to prevent the Apocalypse. [THE EXECUTION] After Eraser, Arnold took a three year break from straight Action films. While Arnie made an infamous appearance in Batman & Robin, it certainly wasn’t seen as a return to form. … Read moreSatan vs. Schwarzenegger<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4363","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4363","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4363"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4363\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4363"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4363"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4363"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"12\"](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/12.jpg\" "\\"12\\"")
<\/p>\n![\"Explosion](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/1.jpg\" "\\"Explosion")
<\/p>\n![\"Satan](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/13.jpg\" "\\"Satan")
<\/p>\n![\"Byrne\"](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/8.jpg\" "\\"Byrne\\"")
<\/p>\n[HOW BAD-ASS IS THE MAIN CHARACTER?]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
![\"3\"](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/3.jpg\" "\\"3\\"")
<\/p>\nArnold Schwarzenegger is Jericho Cane<\/span><\/h3>\n
\n-Drops from a helicopter to battle an assassin
\n-Verbally spars with Satan
\n-Throws Satan out of his apartment window
\n-Engages in fistfights and gun battles with Satan’s minions
\n-Faces off against Satan… with a grenade launcher!<\/p>\n![\"Dual](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/5.jpg\" "\\"Dual")
<\/p>\n[THE BODY COUNT: 52]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
![\"death\"](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/4.jpg\" "\\"death\\"")
<\/p>\n[MOST SATISFYING ASS-KICKING & DEATH]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
Jericho vs. Old Lady<\/span><\/h3>\n
[DUDESWEAT AND MACHISMO]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
[EXPLOITATION AND MISOGYNY]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
![\"Tunney\"](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/11.jpg\" "\\"Tunney\\"")
<\/p>\n[EPIC MOMENT AND BEST ONE-LINER]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
![\"Choir](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/9.jpg\" "\\"Choir")
<\/p>\n“You’re a fucking choir boy compared to me!\u00a0 A CHOIR BOY!”<\/span><\/h2>\n
[THE MORAL OF THE STORY]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
[THE SIGNS OF SCHWARZENEGGER: 4 outta 5]<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
[X] Performs A Ridiculous Feat(s) of Strength
\n[\u00a0 ] Says, “I’ll be back.”
\n[X] Shows Off Buffness
\n[X] Unnecessarily Violent Opponent Dispatch
\n[X] Wields A Big Gun or Sword With One Arm<\/strong><\/h3>\n![\"Sven!\"](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/7.jpg\" "\\"Sven!\\"")
<\/p>\n[THE CHECKLIST: 15 outta 25]<\/span><\/h2>\n
[X] Athlete(s) Turned \u201cActor\u201d
\n[X] Clinging To The Outside Of A Moving Vehicle
\n[X] Crotch Attack
\n[X] Dialogue Telling Us How Bad-Ass The Main Character(s) Is\/Are
\n[\u00a0 ] Ending Featuring An Ambulance, A Blanket or A Towel
\n[X] Factory\/Warehouse
\n[X] Giant Explosion(s)
\n[X] Heavy Artillery
\n[\u00a0 ] Improvised Weapon(s)
\n[X] Macho Mode(s) Of Transportation
\n[X] Main Character Sports Facial Accessory(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Manly Embrace(s)
\n[X] Notorious Stunt-Man Sighting [Sven-Ole Thorsen]
\n[\u00a0 ] Passage(s) Of Time Via Montage
\n[\u00a0 ] Politically Fueled Plot Point(s)
\n[X] Senseless Destruction Of Property
\n[X] Shoot Out(s) and\/or Sword Fight(s)
\n[X] Slow-Motion Finishing Move(s)\/Death(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Stupid Authoritative Figure(s)
\n[X] Substance Usage and\/or Abuse
\n[X] Tis The Season
\n[\u00a0 ] Torture Sequence(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Unnecessary Sequel
\n[\u00a0 ] Vehicle Chase(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Vigilante Justice<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n![\"Schwarzecide\"](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/2.jpg\" "\\"Schwarzecide\\"")
<\/p>\nHey now, Jingle All The Way wasn’t THAT bad!<\/span><\/h1>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"