![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-01.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Q.<\/strong> What if that guy who made the Mexico Trilogy and FROM DUSK TILL DAWN (FDTD), directed an 80s style John Carpenter flick about the Zombie Apocalypse?<\/p>\n A.<\/strong> PLANET TERROR.<\/p>\n -Mmm, sexy. I consider myself both lucky and privileged to be one of the 97 people that actually went to (and had the pleasure of) seeing GRINDHOUSE in the theater. Every so often I hear tell of another individual that shared in the experience and I know how special, they too, must feel.<\/p>\n Not only did I find GH to be my favorite movie of 2007, it\u2019s also in my Top 3 movie going experiences of all time. Having followed the project since it\u2019s proclaimed inception, I can\u2019t explain how hyped I was. I followed all the casting news and announcements, listed to all the interviews, purchased and framed the poster, bought tickets a week early\u2014which made no difference, as the theater was almost empty… AND I purchased both DVD\u2019s and have since viewed them annually. So, it kinda goes without specifically saying, I loved GRINDHOUSE. Though, I say this when speaking of the project as a whole. And since I have decided to split up the two features, I have to judge the films on an individual basis and it\u2019s here that my opinion changes, if only slightly, but it does.<\/p>\n PLANET TERROR is your classic B-Movie zombie-fest-splotation flick, with the added bells and whistles of a large budget and a handful of A-List actors, Including Josh Brolin and Bruce Willis*.\u00a0 Willis plays a glorified cameo as a special ops leader, who\u2019s team purposefully unleashes a biochemical gas that turns humans into goo-monsters. And the rest of the story follows a handful of nearby townspeople as they try and escape the chaos and ensuing armageddon.<\/p>\n The movie is, of course, Rodriguez\u2019s take on drive-in gore-driven horror movies from the good-ole-days, especially those of John Carpenter and George Romero. Though, relying much more heavily on the Carpenter. Rodriguez even borrowed pieces of the score from ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK and along with it, a good deal of the atmosphere. But, unlike Carpenter, Rodriguez injects his own wacky FDTD<\/a> style of cartoonist-influenced violence, that I\u2019m not too big a fan of\u2014normally. This movie being one of the rare exceptions. I think it works in this film, as all the characters are purposefully vague and one-dimensional (especially the main two), so the gags and effects have to pick up this slack by being self-aware and silly. Which they do, marvelously.\u00a0 The film\u2019s hour-forty minute length cooks with rapid fan-service and wacky good times, which works great for the first film of this double-bill.<\/p>\n With over-the-top gore, almost constant explosions and a Grade-A, B-Movie cast running, driving, and flying around a spooky fog-coated town blowing up \u201czombies\u201d, really\u2014what\u2019s not to like?<\/p>\n To answer my own seemingly rhetorical question, just a couple little things\u2026<\/p>\n While PLANET TERROR plays great as part of the GRINDHOUSE feature, I\u2019ve found it lacking on it\u2019s own. Without Tarantino\u2019s classy, more-subdued slasher flick proceeding it, PT leaves me with kind of a hollow feeling. And I think it has to do with the almost complete lack of character development with the two leads, Cherry and Wray. Essentially, this film is their \u201cHappy-Ending\u201d love story, yet the very thing that originally worked so well, not knowing them, only seems to hurt in retrospect as I feel nothing for them in the tragic end. And, I know, this is a movie featuring a giant dripping mutated penis and a machine-gun leg, but what can I say? I guess the child in me is dead, but the longing for Gimmie-Gimmie-MORE! Still lives on.<\/p>\n But, I\u2019m no snob when it comes to genre flicks, and despite my retroactive feelings, I still think PLANET TERROR is one hellova fun time and should not be missed for any reason outside of \u201cgood taste\u201d. But if that\u2019s what you wanted, you wouldn\u2019t be here on this website reading this anyways, so check it out.<\/p>\n “Two Against The World.”<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cThat boy\u2019s got the devil in \u2018im.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Who\u2019d a thunk a 3\u20196\u201d Mexican could kick so much ass? OK, I’m sorry… He\u2019s 5\u20196\u201d and Puerto Rican. But I won\u2019t hold that against him, as he\u2019s still a BAMF. Sure, it\u2019s mostly in a comedic \u2018I can\u2019t believe THIS GUY is pulling off such a BadAss role!\u2019 way, but I have to give credit where credit is due. El Wray is one bad little fucker. Hell, given that name alone, Woody Allen would seem like a man not to be fucked with. By saying which, I in no way intend to discredit Rodr\u00edguez. I thought he was great.<\/p>\n Equipped with duel-butterflies and an enigmatic past, Wray weaves a tapestry of badassery. Backflipn\u2019 off walls and slashing and stabbing the infected scum to save his girl. And this before he even get\u2019s his tiny hands wrapped around his bread and butter. Guns, ladies and gentlemen\u2014 guns.<\/p>\n It\u2019s hinted that he has a past with some highly classified, unspoken government organization. The explanation behind which, having been \u201clost\u201d in the intentional \u2018Missing Reel\u2019 of film. Which is genius. With a shadowy origin, leading to unexpected skills and traits, Wray becomes the story you didn\u2019t expect you\u2019d want to see. But hey, MACHETE is coming out next year, so maybe someday\u2026<\/p>\n \u201cI have seen me some crazy-ass shit in my day, but I ain\u2019t never seen a one-legged stripper.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n I think it was Jimmy Pop who sang, \u201cA lap dance is so much better, when the stripper is cry\u2019n.\u201d<\/strong> Though, technically Cherry is a \u201cGo-Go Dancer\u201d (just like that hooker I once fucked was an \u201cescort\u201d). Darling opens the movie in a truly boner-educing stage performance that ends in tears. But, thankfully, it\u2019s all uphill from there. But, like the saying goes, it\u2019s a battle. Not to mention, a hell of a struggle with a wooden plank for a leg. To explain, shortly into the feature, Cherry loses her right stem in an industrial \u201czombie\u201d accident and has to make do for most of the film with a makeshift replacement. Hilarity ensures, which later gives way to sheer badassery when her appendage is yet again replaced, this time with a M4 carbine machine gun with an M203 grenade launcher attachment.<\/p>\n Yeah, buddy. Cherry uses her newly acquired disability to wreak havoc and destruction to the infected human race. Utilizing her \u2018useless talents\u2019 of flexibility(#66) and go-go moves(#12), she paints a masterpiece of destruction in pus-tinted gore, that Billy Mayes (rest his soul) would\u2019ve been hard pressed to scrub clean. So, in short, does Cherry Darling kick ass? Fuckin\u2019 A right she does.<\/p>\n Fuck if I could keep track. I, mean, I have freetime, but, no. No-way, Jack.<\/p>\n Since it is implied by the title and the end of the film, the \u201cvirus\u201d reaches the entire planet, and only a precious few survive. So, giving the human race a 10% survival rate and a world population of over 6 billion, I\u2019d say\u2014fuck it. I\u2019m bad with math. A shitload sound good to you? Sounds good to me.<\/p>\n I did, however, keep pretty close tabs on Wray and Cherry, and I came up with an educated combined estimate of 85-100. Each of them scoring in the forties. And since neither of them really<\/strong> get killing until the third act (Cherry, the LATE third), it\u2019s a pretty hefty score. And like I mentioned before, this movie has that sweet, sweet gore. So much so, I\u2019m sure that they had someone employed on set whose duty it was to simply clean the snot off the cameras between takes. If that\u2019s any indication as to what a BLOODY good time this movie is.<\/p>\n I think there might be some unspoken clause that says if Tarantino appears in a Rodriguez joint, he gets to rape, or at least, attempt to rape someone. And seeing as how Tarantino wrote FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, I\u2019m willing to bet it\u2019s his contract that affirms this.<\/p>\n So, how does Tarantino one-up Richie The Rapist? Why, with an chunky, infected, jarhead rapist with a three foot mutated schlong, of course. Though, for some reason, the girls don\u2019t seem too into it. Which explains Dakota shooting his ass up with her anesthesia filled\u00a0 \u201cfriends\u201d and Cherry breaking a table-leg limb off in his eye socket and blowing his well-endowed zombie crotch off with a fuckin’ grenade launcher.<\/p>\n Well, Sayid From LOST has some odd sexually repressed behaviors, getting off by cutting up other men\u2019s beanbags and storing their testes in a jar. Which he keeps on his person at all times, for some sick-ass reason (sniffing, while masturbating\u2014I would assume).<\/p>\n Though not gay, per-say, it\u2019s certainly fucked up enough to warrant a mention, and seeing as how he clearly takes a sexual joy in the castration, what better a place?<\/p>\n Other than that, not much really. Michael Beihn and Jeff Fahey act like an old married couple and die in each other\u2019s arms, expressing sentiments. But, they\u2019re brothers. And then Freddy Rodr\u00edguez takes off his shirt, but he’s so tiny and covered in gnarly scars, it leaves little to get excited about. Plus, he does it in preparation to fuck Cherry. This movie just doesn\u2019t want to have a gay-old time.<\/p>\n Rodriguez has always had a thing for strong female characters, so even when he does show signs of exploiting them, it\u2019s always under some odd circumstances that negate the feelings of anti-femininity. I.E. The strippers in FDTD<\/strong> are actually vampires, luring in their prey and the Grindhouse gals end up killing their would-be rapist before anything too emotionally scarring happens, etc. But I’ve grasped at straws before…<\/p>\n So, aside from the aforementioned rape sequence, Dakota\u2019s hubby Dr. Block (Bran from THE GOONIES) has gradually lost his mind over the years dealing with her affairs and subsequently, his inadequacy as she has had them with another woman. Well, sort-off\u2014they were with Fergie and I\u2019m not entirely convinced. But, Dakota does show a sexual interest in Cherry, so mystery solved. She’s a gay.<\/p>\n Filled with rage after discovering his wife\u2019s plan to leave him for good, the good doctor goes a little off his Block and tortures her with her own set of mystery needles. And had he not been interrupted, it\u2019s likely he would have killed her. Which, he tries to do later, but after becoming infected, so it counts less I think.<\/p>\n Other than that, there isn\u2019t much to talk about. There isn\u2019t even any nudity at the Go-Go club, but that\u2019s because they\u2019re not strippers, wah! <\/strong><\/em>However, you do get to see two of the \u2018dancers\u2019 kiss for like a second. But it’s barely worth mentioning.<\/p>\n The Peg-Leg From Hell finally gets unleashed. You wait the whole movie to see this badboy in action and thankfully, it doesn\u2019t disappoint. Taking point in the escape from the town\u2019s military base, Cherry delivers the film\u2019s payoff like next-day mail. Utilizing all of her \u201cuseless talents\u201d she mows down almost 50 mutated soldiers and ends her display by slippin\u2019 on a pair of shades to watch the destructive fire of her efforts burn the corpses of her vindictive killing spree.<\/p>\n Cherry:<\/span> [Crying] \u201cI\u2019m not leaving you, Wray. It\u2019s two against the world. Eat brains\u2014gain knowledge. And \u201cThere\u2019s a difference,\u201d between Go-Go Dancers and Strippers\u2014the choice of euphemisms for their \u2018whorish\u2019 profession.<\/p>\n *Interesting tid-bit, when told by Rodriguez that his character took out bin Laden, Bruce had this to say: \u201cWho better?\u201d<\/strong> This is why everybody loves Bruce Willis. Yippee-ki-yay, amen. Though it is never explained if Bruce in-turn gave himself his one million dollar reward\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" [THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Grindhouse: Planet Terror [Extended & Unrated](2007): Breakdown by Rantbo Q. What if that guy who made the Mexico Trilogy and FROM DUSK TILL DAWN (FDTD), directed an 80s style John Carpenter flick about the Zombie Apocalypse? A. PLANET TERROR. [THE EXECUTION] Planet Terror, as described by my in-head observations: -Mmm, sexy. -Hey, it\u2019s … Read morePlanet Terror, Project Kleenex<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1708","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1708","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1708"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1708\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1708"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1708"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1708"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}[THE EXECUTION]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n
Planet Terror, as described by my in-head observations:<\/span><\/h3>\n
\n-Hey, it\u2019s Sayid from LOST!
\n-Are those?\u2014Yup, testicles. Gnarly.
\n-Bruno!
\n-Fuck yeah, Zombies!
\n-Weird, Fergie actually looks kinda attractive\u2026
\n-Is that Bran from THE GOONIES?
\n-Michael Biehn, Sex Machine AND El Mariachi!? Too cool!
\n-Hehehe, gross.
\n-OK, that\u2019s definitely Bran from THE GOONIES.
\n-Ha-ha, little kid killed himself.
\n-Raep Time!
\n-‘Bout time, machine gun-leg.
\n-Oh, silly.
\n-Well, that was pretty fuckin\u2019 entertaining. Time for Tarantino!
\n-\u2026Those twins were hot.<\/p>\n![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-02.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/p>\n![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-03.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/p>\n![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-14.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/p>\nMy Brain Tells Me \u201cThat\u2019s a dude!\u201d, But My Penis Says. \u201cHow about them tities!?\u201d<\/span><\/h4>\n
[HOW BAD-ASS ARE THE MAIN CHARACTERS?]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n
![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-05.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/p>\nFreddy Rodr\u00edguez is El Wray The Wrecker<\/span><\/h3>\n
![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-06.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/p>\nRose McGowan is Fucking Hot\u2014er, um Cherry Darling a.k.a. Palomita<\/span><\/h3>\n
![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-07.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/p>\n[THE BODY COUNT:<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong> THE PLANET [-] A FEW]<\/span><\/h2>\n
[MOST SATISFYING ASS-KICKING & DEATH]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n
Cherry & Dakota v. Rapist #1<\/span><\/h3>\n
![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-08.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/h1>\n\u201cDance, bitch! Break a leg! Break\u2014it\u2014OFF!\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n
![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-09.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/p>\n[DUDESWEAT AND MACHISMO]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n
![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-10.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/p>\n[EXPLOITATION AND MISOGYNY]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n
![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-11.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/p>\n\u201cI\u2019m Cherry.\u201d – \u201cYou sure are\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n
[EPIC MOMENT AND BEST ONE-LINER]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n
Cherry Becomes The Person She Was Meant To Be<\/span><\/h3>\n
![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-12.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/p>\n
\nWray:<\/span> [Dying] \u201cIt will be. I promise.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-13.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/p>\n\u201cI never miss.\u201d<\/span><\/h1>\n
[THE MORAL OF THE STORY]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n
[THE CHECKLIST: 17 outta 25]<\/span><\/h2>\n
[\u00a0 ] Athlete(s) Turned \u201cActor\u201d
\n[X] Clinging To The Outside Of A Moving Vehicle
\n[X] Crotch Attack
\n[X] Dialogue Telling Us How Bad-Ass The Main Character(s) Is\/Are
\n[\u00a0 ] Ending Featuring An Ambulance, A Blanket or A Towel
\n[X] Factory\/Warehouse
\n[X] Giant Explosion(s)
\n[X] Heavy Artillery
\n[X] Improvised Weapon(s)
\n[X] Macho Mode(s) Of Transportation
\n[X] Main Character Sports Facial Accessory(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Manly Embrace(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Notorious Stunt-Man Sighting
\n[\u00a0 ] Passage(s) Of Time Via Montage
\n[X] Politically Fueled Plot Point(s)
\n[X] Senseless Destruction Of Property
\n[X] Shoot Out(s) and\/or Sword Fight(s)
\n[X] Slow-Motion Finishing Move(s)\/Death(s)
\n[X] Stupid Authoritative Figure(s)
\n[X] Substance Usage and\/or Abuse
\n[\u00a0 ] Tis The Season
\n[X] Torture Sequence(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Unnecessary Sequel
\n[\u00a0 ] Vehicle Chase(s)
\n[X] Vigilante Justice<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n![\"Planet](\"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/Planet-Terror-04.jpg\" "\\"Planet")
<\/p>\nPhotshop, Schmotoshop. I Got MS Paint.
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n