{"id":1342,"date":"2009-09-04T01:16:33","date_gmt":"2009-09-04T07:16:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/main\/?p=1342"},"modified":"2009-09-04T01:16:33","modified_gmt":"2009-09-04T07:16:33","slug":"cranktastic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/cranktastic\/","title":{"rendered":"Cranktastic!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/h2>\n

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

Crank (2006): Breakdown by Kain424<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

A man is injected with a drug that will kill him if he stops producing adrenaline.\u00a0 He has to kill the man who essentially killed him and kill this man before he is actually killed.\u00a0 The movie is actually crazier than that sentence.<\/p>\n

[THE EXECUTION]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

When I first saw this film I have to admit, I didn’t like it.\u00a0 Of course, it was advertised as an Action film in the vein of The Transporter<\/strong>.\u00a0 Had I known, going in, that it was meant as something completely different, and far more insane, I would have enjoyed the experience a whole lot more.\u00a0 After seeing the sequel, and being thoroughly entertained by it, I came back and watched this one again.\u00a0 Crank<\/strong> does not disappoint in its shear level of wild fun.\u00a0 This is an entirely new style of film making present here, and it’s all done at ludicrous speed.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

It’s as crazy as it is hilarious, with Jason Statham driving a car through a mall and crashing it up on an escalator one minute and headbanging to the Billy Ray Cyrus tune Achy Breakie Heart<\/em> the next.\u00a0 There’s a scene where old rich white ladies start beating a cabbie to death because they think he’s Al Quaeda.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

The two directors, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, are masters in hyperpaced insanity.\u00a0 They’ve found a perfect partner in Jason Statham, making one of the craziest flicks ever to hit the shelves.\u00a0 Crank<\/strong> zooms along pace-wise, and if you aren’t having fun in the first fifteen minutes, then you may just be a funless shrew of a person.\u00a0 The Action is great and while there is actually some shaky-cam utilized here, I think this may be the one time it actually works for an Action movie.<\/p>\n

Crank<\/strong> is the definition of a good time and you owe it to yourself to see this one.\u00a0 Any film that features a guy getting roadhead while partaking in a car chase\/shootout has<\/em> to be great.\u00a0 Right?<\/p>\n

[HOW BAD-ASS IS THE MAIN CHARACTER?]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Jason Statham<\/strong><\/a> is Chev Chelios<\/span><\/h3>\n

The man who refuses to lay down and die.\u00a0 How bad-ass?\u00a0 Off the fucking charts.\u00a0 A hitman not afraid of fucking in public, but clearly afraid to die before X-ing out the motherfucker trying to kill him, Statham plays the role with a hyper intensity never before seen.\u00a0 Between chase scenes, Chelios is snapping necks, kicking ass, and shooting guns, all to the beat of an ever-quickening and rapidly ticking clock.\u00a0 He is one of two people alive that can utter the words “I’m the Terminator” with a straight face and come off as a B.A.M.F.<\/p>\n

There is no efficient way of detailing how bad-ass Chev Chelios is without simply having you watch this film, so I’m just going to let some of these images show you.\u00a0 Go out and get this one.\u00a0 I’m serious.<\/p>\n

[THE BODY COUNT: 26]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

Crank earns its R-rating with tons of violence and gore.\u00a0 The kills are mostly from multiple gunshot wounds, but we get car crashes, neck breakings, and a few people falling to their deaths as well.\u00a0 The final bodycount is 26 with Statham getting 12 kills<\/a> alone.<\/p>\n

[MOST SATISFYING DEATH]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

I’m gonna have to go with the closing death scene of the movie, which provides the film’s much-earned catharsis.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

…Until the sequel.<\/p>\n

[DUDESWEAT AND MACHISMO]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

The main baddie gets hints of homosexuality thrown about, but it’s really Efren Ramirez’s character that steals all the gay scenes, as he is actually a gay.\u00a0 But, I think it’s rather remarkable that a movie called Crank<\/strong> doesn’t feature a whole lot of homoerotica.\u00a0 In fact, the movie goes to great lengths to actually promote heterosexuality.\u00a0 There is an entire scene where Statham can’t seem to get an erection until he sees a bus load of Asian schoolgirls.\u00a0 Still, you do get to see plenty of Statham’s naked arse.<\/p>\n

[EXPLOITATION AND MISOGYNY]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

The women of Crank are nearly all strippers or hoes.\u00a0 I lost track of all the T & A presented here, but it was a lot.\u00a0 Women in this film are objects or toys for pleasure.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

And then there’s Amy Smart’s character.\u00a0 She’s Chev’s stripper girlfriend, who sleeps all day, smokes pot and enjoys public sex.\u00a0 So yeah.\u00a0 There you go.<\/p>\n

[EPIC MOMENT AND BEST ONE-LINER]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

Chelios starts wigging out and puts his empty hand in a gun posture and points at his enemies, who have him surrounded.\u00a0 Then he “shoots” his invisible gun and a real bullet actually goes through his chosen victim’s head.\u00a0 It’s totally unexpected.<\/p>\n

“You’re a persistent motherfucker, Chev Chelios. They pop you and you just keep getting up.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

[THE MORAL OF THE STORY]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

Death catches up to everyone, so if you have someone to kill, you’d better get that shit done before it catches up to you.<\/p>\n

[THE CHECKLIST: 16 outta 25]<\/span><\/h2>\n

[X] Athlete(s) Turned \u201cActor\u201d
\n[X] Clinging To The Outside Of A Moving Vehicle
\n[X] Crotch Attack
\n[X] Dialogue Telling Us How Bad-Ass The Main Character(s) Is\/Are
\n[\u00a0 ] Ending Featuring An Ambulance, A Blanket or A Towel
\n[X] Factory\/Warehouse
\n[X] Giant Explosion(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Heavy Artillery
\n[X] Improvised Weapon(s)
\n[X] Macho Mode(s) Of Transportation
\n[X] Main Character Sports Facial Accessory(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Manly Embrace(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Notorious Stunt-Man Sighting
\n[\u00a0 ] Passage(s) Of Time Via Montage
\n[\u00a0 ] Politically Fueled Plot Point(s)
\n[X] Senseless Destruction Of Property
\n[X] Shoot Out(s) and\/or Sword Fight(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Slow-Motion Finishing Move(s)\/Death(s)
\n[X] Stupid Authoritative Figure(s)
\n[X] Substance Usage and\/or Abuse
\n[\u00a0 ] Tis The Season
\n[\u00a0 ] Torture Sequence(s)
\n[X] Unnecessary Sequel [Crank: High Voltage<\/a>]
\n[X] Vehicle Chase(s)
\n[X] Vigilante Justice<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Don’t get a moon burn!<\/span><\/h1>\n

Crank (2006) \u00a9 Lakeshore Entertainment Group LLC and Lions Gate Films Inc.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Crank (2006): Breakdown by Kain424 A man is injected with a drug that will kill him if he stops producing adrenaline.\u00a0 He has to kill the man who essentially killed him and kill this man before he is actually killed.\u00a0 The movie is actually crazier than that sentence. [THE EXECUTION] When I first … Read moreCranktastic!<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[374],"class_list":["post-1342","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-crank-jason-statham"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1342","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1342"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1342\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1342"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1342"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1342"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}