{"id":1310,"date":"2009-07-21T18:36:43","date_gmt":"2009-07-22T00:36:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/main\/?p=1310"},"modified":"2009-07-21T18:36:43","modified_gmt":"2009-07-22T00:36:43","slug":"2-f5-2-curious","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/2-f5-2-curious\/","title":{"rendered":"2 F@&5 2 Curious"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE]<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003): Breakdown by Rantbo<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Paul Walker is back to race more cars and flirt-fight with his old boyfriend, ex-supermodel, Tyrese.<\/p>\n

[THE EXECUTION]<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

I knew I was in for a special kind of stupid when the first thing seen on screen is the UNIVERSAL studio logo transforming into a chrome hub-cap and bounce as though it had hydraulics. But I wouldn\u2019t expect any less from a movie that revolves around a bunch of douche-bags driving around in ugly overpriced penis extensions.<\/p>\n

So, Paul Walker returns as Brian O\u2019Conner, but this time, Brian\u2019s on the other side of the law. Apparently if you let a suspect go (and don\u2019t think to just lie about it), you end up being one of the most wanted men in America. Alright, whatever… Eventually, Brian gets tracked down by James Remar and arrested. However, he avoids jail by striking a deal for himself and his ex butt-buddy, Roman Pearce (Tyrese). Their mission: infiltrate a cartel as drug-runners (drivers), supply information to the Feds and fall back in love with each other.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

While 2 FAST is certainly a worse movie than the original, it is also about a 110% more fun. For starters, they actually race the cars around non-liner tracks and freeways. As (thankfully) someone must have pointed out, driving in a straight-line, no matter how fast, is fucking boring. Second, the main characters are like watching the gay equivalent of a 50s marriage sitcom. They switch back and forth between who is the \u201cLucy\u201d and who is the \u201cRicky\u201d, but in the end, it is their combined antics that make this film a classic guilty pleasure.<\/p>\n

Also, the format, however not strikingly original, is much more fun. Which, I mean to say, it isn\u2019t a straight rip-off of another, better movie of the same genre. Not to say they are paving new ground, hells no, but it\u2019s just different enough from the other \u201cStruck-A-Deal-With-The-Feds-To-Stay-Out-Of-Prison\u201d movies and it is certainly the most pro-gay.<\/p>\n

Like I said, the film is completely asinine, but it\u2019s also unintentionally hilarious. For example, I give you\u2014verbatim, the dialogue from the big ‘Heart-To-Heart\u2019 moment of the film. This scene is placed right before the final action sequence and meant to bring it all home, and together with the men on screen, make the audience nod with much bro-love and respect:<\/p>\n

Brian:<\/span> Man\u2014you remember us growin\u2019 up? You know, playin\u2019 football in the dirt, you know, all the stupid things we did\u2026 When you got busted, you know, whether I was a cop or not, you know, if there was anything I could\u2019ve done, you know, I would have done it\u2014I just want chu to know dat.
\nRome:<\/span> Is that why you let that dude go in L.A.?
\nBrian:<\/span> Yeah, I think that had a lot to do with it.
\nRome:<\/span> When I got busted\u2014it wasn\u2019t your fault\u2014izz all on me. Mr.\u2014Roman Pearce\u2014whild\u2019n out, crazy man. No one could tell me nutin\u2019, ridin\u2019 solo.
\nBrian:<\/span> Yeah, well not anymore\u2014not anymore, bro.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Best dialogue exchange\u2014ever. If that doesn\u2019t bring a tear to you eye\u2014you\u2019re not laughing hard enough. Read it again and check out how many times Brian says \u201cYou Know?\u201d<\/em> Picture included for truly epic lulz.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

So, in the end, the only true crime to spawn out of this movie, outside of more pointless cinematic dribble, is that Tyrese wasn\u2019t brought back for the sequels.\u00a0 I recommend watching this with your best-bro and together, reminisce on what made you fall in friendship for one another\u2014\u2018cuz that\u2019s truly what it\u2019s all about.<\/p>\n

[HOW BAD-ASS ARE THE MAIN CHARACTERS?] <\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Paul Walker is Brian O\u2019Conner, X-Cop <\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n

Walker is most certainly better when allowed to be as dumb as he wants to be (read as: is), and with 2FAST, clearly had carte blanche<\/em>. The character is still a terrible, un-clever mix-match of other mediocre action heroes, but at least this time, he is his own brand of stupid. Brian does a bunch more crazy\/moronic adrenaline-junkie douche-baggery this time around, but again, it\u2019s nothing I couldn\u2019t see if I just watched some reruns of mid-70s television and a random half-an-hour of MTV.<\/p>\n

-Pulls a E-brake 180% while speeding down a freeway.
\n-Plays chicken at a 100 miles per hour.
\n-Hangs out of a car going 100 miles per hour.
\n-Jumps a car, Hazard County-style onto a yacht.<\/p>\n

Tyrese Gibson is Mr. Roman Pearce, X-Boyfriend<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n

Tyrese is a comedic genius. It\u2019s too bad he was born so pretty, because I could easily have seen him being a classic cast member of SNL. The guy is so over-the-top into himself, that he becomes a walking parody of “cool”. He\u2019s the type of guy that purposefully draws attention to himself in public to show everyone within eye-shot of how awesome he is, incapable of understanding everyone’s just paying attention to him because he’s an obnoxious asshole. Fueled by mock-praise. So, this really is THE perfect role for him, and it shows through in his performance as he is pretty much playing an extreme version of himself: A douche-bag shiny-car driver.<\/p>\n

-Takes off his shirt to punch out a window (show the guys in the audience his abs) and when told: \u201cNow put cho blouse back on!\u201d<\/em>, by Brian he responds with,\u00a0 \u201cHay-Tur!\u201d<\/em> (HAHAHA, I DIDN\u2019T MAKE THAT UP!)
\n-Shoots a gun at James Remar. (that takes bawls)
\n-Lights some goomba\u2019s windshield on fire.
\n-Sends an unmanned SUV into a cop car.
\n-Pulls off an Aston Martin-esque maneuver on an unwanted passenger. (see more below)
\n-Rides shotgun on aforementioned Hazard County-style jump.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

[THE BODY COUNT: 01\u2014I’M PRETTY SURE]<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

Again, it\u2019s pretty tame and lame, but it\u2019s what I\u2019ve come to expect from the series after the lackluster out-putting of part one. For some reason during one of the \u201craces\u201d, one of the jack-off drivers decides to try and go between two semi trucks that are bottlenecking and gets his ass crushed in the process. Not only that, but he takes out his dipshit partner in the process by blocking his path with the wreckage that was his 50,000 dollar ‘investment’. I\u2019m pretty sure there is no way the dumbass driver could have survived, so there you go.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

[MOST SATISFYING ASS-KICKING]<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

Brian and Rome v. The Bald Biting Bitchboy
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

After being taken away into the woods for an easily escapable assassination scenario, Brian\u2019s bro backs him up and together they beat up one of Cole Hauser\u2019s lackeys. Like a bunch of girls. Seriously, there is biting, spitting and kicking while down. What a bunch of sissys. However, it was funny, so there ya go.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

[DUDESWEAT AND MACHISMO]<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

A few years ago, a few friends and I went to hang out with another friend\/co-worker at his house after work. Let\u2019s call him Jeffrey, because that was his name. Jeffrey was (still is, of course) gay, as was one of his roommates. We had decided to watch a movie, and as a goof, Jeffery put on one of his adult “alone-time” videos. So, there I was, in a room with a 4 other guys, two of which were gay and with a movie playing featuring two guys buttfucking each other. And you know something? That situation was less<\/strong> gay than 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS.<\/p>\n

Roman:<\/span> When I needed your ass\u2014you were nowhere to be found!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Brian:<\/span> Alright Rome, I got sumthin for yer ass!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Verone:<\/span> You got balls kid. [Chuckles] I can appreciate that.<\/strong><\/p>\n

As I mentioned before, the entire story revolves around Brian and Roman re-kindling their former bromance. The guys had a falling out when Brian was revealed to be a cop, shortly after Roman got busted and sent to prison for three years. And Roman blamed Brian, even though he had nothing to do with it. Love is complicated. Consequently, 80% of the film’s dialogue is unchecked tension in the form of bickering over silly inconsequential bullshit. Here are some examples:<\/p>\n

-On the ride to meet the villain of this picture, Brian pulls the old \u201cStare-and-Drive\u201d on Eva Mendes. He stares at her and\u2014Christ, you get the picture. Proving that Rome claims rights to having pissed on the Bri-Guy Tree first, he pulls up at the stoplight next to them and says, \u201c\u2026he got that FROM ME!\u201d<\/em> and speeds away in a tiff. Somebody\u2019s jealousss!<\/p>\n

-Returning from a job, the guys follow Eva Mendez through the badguys lair and the following dialogue exchange takes place…<\/p>\n

Rome:<\/span> [Angry] What chu chekcin\u2019 her out for?!
\nBrian:<\/span> [Guiltily] I\u2019m not checking her out!
\nRome:<\/span> Yes you were.
\nBrian:<\/span> No I wasn\u2019t.
\nRome:<\/span> I seen you checkin\u2019 her out man!
\nBrian:<\/span> OK, I was. Now shut-up.
\nRome:<\/span> You shut-up, don\u2019t tell me to shut-up!
\nMonica:<\/span> Both you girlies shut-up!\u2014Unbelievable!<\/strong><\/p>\n

I concur.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

-On the way out to another meeting…<\/p>\n

Rome:<\/span> Man! It\u2019s so hot and humid out here, I can\u2019t even wear no draws!
\nBrian:<\/span> Man, tell me about it!<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n

Awesome. After this, Rome has a brief heterosexual urge to look at a girl\u2019s booty, but Bri-Dog quickly sweeps in, cups his bro\u2019s peck and pulls him back toward the cabana boys. (see above pic)<\/p>\n

-Here’s one more…<\/p>\n

Brian :<\/span> [Talking to Rome about another gay couple] Alright, check it out. There\u2019s no way we gonna beat these guys straight up. We\u2019re gonna have to pull somethin\u2019 out of our ass. The only thing I can think of is save the spray for the way back, the return trip. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Case fucking closed.<\/p>\n

Also, I don\u2019t think Tyrese owns a single shirt with sleeves.<\/p>\n

[EXPLOITATION AND MISOGYNY]<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

Much like the first movie, there are plenty of half-naked hoes gyrating around like the sluts their families always hoped they would grow up to be. But, for the most part, this one is all about the boys.<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

[EPIC MOMENT AND BEST ONE-LINER]<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

Just when I was starting to think that there would be no great, or even half cool moment or line, Tyrese pulled through. Using some old half-filled NAS canisters and a thruster button, Rome ejects his passenger side seat, passenger included, out the side of his car while doing 80 or so. Oddly, the guy ends up without a scratch, but the amusing part about the scene is just how happy Rome is with himself…<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u201cEjecto-Seato, Cuz!\u201d<\/span> <\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

[THE MORAL OF THE STORY]<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

Love conquers all, and don\u2019t play games with Cole Hauser.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/h2>\n

[THE CHECKLIST: 17 outta 25]<\/span><\/h2>\n

[\u00a0 ] Athlete(s) Turned \u201cActor\u201d
\n[X] Clinging To The Outside Of A Moving Vehicle
\n[\u00a0 ] Crotch Attack
\n[X] Dialogue Telling Us How Bad-Ass The Main Character(s) Is\/Are
\n[X] Ending Featuring An Ambulance, A Blanket or A Towel
\n[X] Factory\/Warehouse
\n[X] Giant Explosion(s)
\n[X] Heavy Artillery
\n[X] Improvised Weapon(s)
\n[X] Macho Mode(s) Of Transportation
\n[\u00a0 ] Main Character Sports Facial Accessory(s)
\n[X] Manly Embrace(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Notorious Stunt-Man Sighting
\n[\u00a0 ] Passage(s) Of Time Via Montage
\n[\u00a0 ] Politically Fueled Plot Point(s)
\n[X] Senseless Destruction Of Property
\n[X] Shoot Out(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Slow-Motion Finishing Move(s)\/Death(s)
\n[X] Stupid Authoritative Figure(s)
\n[X] Substance Usage and\/or Abuse
\n[\u00a0 ] Tis The Season
\n[X] Torture Sequence(s)
\n[X] Unnecessary Sequel [The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift<\/a>]
\n[X] Vehicle Chase(s)<\/strong>
\n[X] Vigilante Justice<\/strong><\/h3>\n

THE 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS BROTAGE<\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

[flashvideo filename=videos\/BroCount.wmv.FLV \/]<\/p>\n

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) \u00a9 Mikona Productions GmbH & Co. KG and Universal Studios Home Entertainment
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[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003): Breakdown by Rantbo Paul Walker is back to race more cars and flirt-fight with his old boyfriend, ex-supermodel, Tyrese. [THE EXECUTION] I knew I was in for a special kind of stupid when the first thing seen on screen is the UNIVERSAL studio logo transforming into a chrome … Read more2 F@&5 2 Curious<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[1264],"class_list":["post-1310","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-rantbo-breakdown-review-2-fast-2-furious"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1310","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1310"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1310\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1310"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1310"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1310"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}