{"id":1114,"date":"2009-06-06T15:48:52","date_gmt":"2009-06-06T21:48:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/main\/?p=1114"},"modified":"2009-06-06T15:48:52","modified_gmt":"2009-06-06T21:48:52","slug":"no-retreat-no-surrender","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/no-retreat-no-surrender\/","title":{"rendered":"No Retreat No Surrender No Crane-Kicks"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/h2>\n

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

No Retreat No Surrender a.k.a Karate Tiger (1986): Breakdown by Kain424<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Kid trains with the ghost of Bruce Lee to gain peace of mind and defeat Jean-Claude Van Damme<\/a> in close quarters combat. And with the help of a friend, learns the way of the gay.<\/p>\n

[THE EXECUTION]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

I should mention, first, that there are two versions of this film.\u00a0 One, with some scenes missing and containing demo tracks and a song called Stand On Your Own<\/em> by Joe Torono.\u00a0 The other, with an 80s synth score and featuring the song Hold On To Your Vision<\/em> as the main theme.\u00a0 I will talk about the latter, as that one is the more “complete” version.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Playing like an even more 80s-style (meaning extremely dated), gayer version of The Karate Kid<\/a>, this film is all over the place in terms of style and acting.\u00a0 According to Hong Kong film expert Bey Logan, director Corey Yuen saw The Karate Kid<\/strong> and liked it, but thought that the fight scenes could have been much better.\u00a0 This film is the result, and it shows.\u00a0 No Retreat No Surrender<\/strong> features better montages, better music, and even a 25 year-old Jean-Claude Van Damme as the final villain of the picture. Sweep THAT, Johnny. With Corey Yuen’s direction, the fight scenes are never a problem.\u00a0 That said, I like to think of the film as The Karate Kid<\/strong> meets Rocky IV<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

\"mini-Joe-Don-Baker\"<\/p>\n

We got the kid moving in from another town, dealing with local bullies (here, a mini-Joe Don Baker-looking kid plays the bully), and trying to to impress some teenage hottie.\u00a0 Add to that the outside influence of a fighting tournament in place of a test of manhood and a Russian fighter, and you’ll see what I mean by comparing those other two films.\u00a0 Interestingly, the politics and morality are switched around here.\u00a0 While in The Karate Kid<\/strong> Macchio’s stubborn determination and skill eventually win over even the bully that harassed him for the entire film, in No Retreat No Surrender<\/strong> the film’s primary antagonist, Van Damme, actually wins the tournament pretty much fairly.\u00a0 And even after doing so, he remains the villain, and a victim of circumstance.\u00a0 His keeper sends him into the ring to “kill” and he nearly does.\u00a0 But when McKinney charges into the ring (not as a fighter, but as a concerned spectator) and defeats JCVD, Jason is carried into the credits as a hero.<\/p>\n

Whatever the issues with the story may be, it still turns out to be a fun movie.\u00a0 And if you can get past all the 80s costuming and occasional plot hole (when did Jason meet Kelly?), I think you’ll have a good time.\u00a0 It’s formulaic as all hell, but at least the fights are cool.\u00a0 However, when there isn’t fighting, there is lame drama and badly done character development.\u00a0 And it just seems sacrilegious to have the ghost of Bruce Lee pop up and start teaching Kurt McKinney how to handle bullies and train with sand bags.\u00a0 Way to piss on a guy’s grave.\u00a0 But check this one out if you can.<\/p>\n

[HOW BAD-ASS IS THE MAIN CHARACTER?]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Not very.\u00a0 Kurt McKinney plays his role like a whiny Brandon Lee<\/a>, always crying about something.\u00a0 He’s also a jerk and a bully.\u00a0 While karate sparring (something that seems to be more about posing than anything else), he starts actually beating the hell out of his partner, using Jeet Kun Do.\u00a0 His father, who is also the instructor, has to stop him and ask what the hell he’s doing.<\/p>\n

Sure, McKinney trains in ways that hurt just to look at, but all of the film’s bad-ass points are stolen whenever Van Damme is on the screen.\u00a0 They should’ve made him the star.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

[THE BODY COUNT: ZERO]
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

Though Van Damme nearly kills two people, he simply never follows through. The morticians were left twiddling their thumbs after this one.<\/p>\n

[MOST SATISFYING ASS-KICKING]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

The final tournament, where Van Damme beats all three of Seattle’s “finest” fighters, one after another.\u00a0 He absolutely decimates them.\u00a0 And the final opponent is annihilated the worst of all, with Van Damme wrapping him in the ropes and beating him senseless.\u00a0 It kicks the shit outta anything in The Karate Kid<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

[DUDESWEAT AND MACHISMO]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"SUPER<\/p>\n

I mentioned this film in my list of the Gayest Action Flicks<\/a> for a good reason.\u00a0 There is an entire subplot, wherein the clearly gay character of RJ helps McKinney’s Jason learn that he is, in fact, a heterosexual.\u00a0 You see, Jason thinks that, because a bully humiliated him in front the film’s female interest Kelly, he must be gay.\u00a0 In fact, he wants<\/em> to be gay.\u00a0 Jason spends a good portion of the film making awkward advances on RJ, who in-turn, convinces Jason to let his feelings loose in martial arts training, all the while working behind the scenes to hook him back up with Kelly. This all culminates in a dance scene, where Jason just wants to hang out with RJ, but RJ tricks Jason into dancing with Kelly.\u00a0 Jason, having learned the error of his ways, seems to stop training after this, and returns to his true heterosexuality.<\/p>\n

\"Van<\/p>\n

I’m pretty sure Van Damme remains gay, though.\u00a0 He shows off his flexibility to his main opponents by doing the splits from his corner of the ring and can’t wait to start tearing his clothes off to fight Jason.\u00a0 His story, untold in the film, may be the most tragic of all.<\/p>\n

[EXPLOITATION AND MISOGYNY]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

The women in this story are mostly just emotional pawns, with Jason’s mother only there to give the “Oh, you!” face and the character of Kelly there to waste the protagonist’s time being a skirt to chase.\u00a0 The one time it seems Kelly might have something valuable to put into our story, she is grabbed by the hair and thrown away.\u00a0 Of course, this is from the same director that took a film<\/a> about two, tough-as-nails female cops and turned it into a movie chastising women for trying to be as good or better than their male counterparts.<\/p>\n

[EPIC MOMENT AND BEST ONE-LINER]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Two-in one: Jason is fighting Van Damme and starting to lose terribly.\u00a0 Van Damme performs the same move that he’d performed earlier, wrapping Jason up in the ropes and beating him mercilessly.\u00a0 Suddenly RJ, from the crowd, shouts “No retreat!\u00a0 No Surrender!”<\/strong> Jason flips around, his health bar restored to full, and fights his way free of the ropes to beat JCVD, and win the game… er, movie.\u00a0 This, to the thundering awesomeness that is the song Hold On To Your Vision<\/em> by Kevin Chalfant.\u00a0 It’s beautiful.<\/p>\n

[THE MORAL OF THE STORY]<\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n

A martial arts movie should be helmed by a martial arts director.\u00a0 Also, be true to yourself; gay or not, you can still hang out.\u00a0 Bruce Lee might be dead, but that doesn’t mean we can’t milk the fucker for all he was worth.<\/p>\n

[THE VAN DAMMAGE: 4 outta 5]<\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

[X] An Entire Fight, Sans Shirt
\n[X] Close-Up Screaming
\n[\u00a0 ] Dancing
\n[X] Jump-Kicks A Guy, Through Something
\n[X] Special Move Involving Either The Splits or A Spinning Round-House Kick<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n

This is Van Damme’s first real film, and you can see he’d already created a prototype for which all his following characters would be based upon.\u00a0 Since this character is Russian, however, you won’t see him dancing, let alone expressing any sort emotion that might be confused as “happy.”\u00a0 He got that out of his system in Breakin<\/strong>‘. Even when he wins a fight, he seems sort of pissed off about it.<\/p>\n

[THE CHECKLIST: 10 outta 25]<\/span><\/h2>\n

[X] Athlete(s) Turned \u201cActor\u201d
\n[\u00a0 ] Clinging To The Outside Of A Moving Vehicle
\n[X] Crotch Attack
\n[\u00a0 ] Dialogue Telling Us How Bad-Ass The Main Character(s) Is\/Are
\n[\u00a0 ] Ending Featuring An Ambulance, A Blanket or A Towel
\n[\u00a0 ] Factory\/Warehouse
\n[\u00a0 ] Giant Explosion(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Heavy Artillery
\n[X] Improvised Weapon(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Macho Mode(s) Of Transportation
\n[\u00a0 ] Main Character Sports Facial Accessory(s)
\n[X] Manly Embrace(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Notorious Stunt-Man Sighting
\n[X] Passage(s) Of Time Via Montage
\n[\u00a0 ] Politically Fueled Plot Point(s)
\n[\u00a0 ] Senseless Destruction Of Property
\n[\u00a0 ] Shoot Out(s) and\/or Sword Fight(s)
\n[X] Slow-Motion Finishing Move(s)\/Death(s)
\n[X] Stupid Authoritative Figure(s)
\n[X] Substance Usage and\/or Abuse
\n[\u00a0 ] Tis The Season
\n[\u00a0 ] Torture Sequence(s)
\n[X] Unnecessary Sequel<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong> [No Retreat, No Surrender 2: Raging Thunder]<\/strong>
\n [\u00a0 ] Vehicle Chase(s)
\n[X] Vigilante Justice*<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n

*Jason isn’t supposed to fight at the end.\u00a0 He’s just a spectator who intervenes after Van Damme starts kicking everyone’s ass.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

In Soviet Russia, The Splits Do YOU!<\/span>
\n<\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

No Retreat No Surrender break-down.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[1119],"class_list":["post-1114","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-no-retreat-no-surrender-jean-claude-van-damme"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1114","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1114"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1114\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1114"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1114"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1114"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}