{"id":1111,"date":"2009-07-01T10:57:39","date_gmt":"2009-07-01T16:57:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.allouttabubblegum.com\/main\/?p=1111"},"modified":"2009-07-01T10:57:39","modified_gmt":"2009-07-01T16:57:39","slug":"bond-breakdown-special-entry-climax-casino-royale-1954","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/bond-breakdown-special-entry-climax-casino-royale-1954\/","title":{"rendered":"Bond Breakdown: Special Entry: Climax! Casino Royale (1954)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Bond <\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

[THE CLASSIFIED INTEL]<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

Casino Royale (1954): Breakdown by Rantbo<\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Special (American) Combined Intelligence Agent Jimmy Bond is on a mission to win a game of baccarat and clean-out a Soviet Agent named Le Chiffre, thus removing his pot to piss in and forcing him to golden shower the steps of lady liberty with his commie information.<\/p>\n

[THE BOND SONG AND CREDITS SEQUENCE]<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

\"Bond<\/p>\n

At one point Bond plays some out-of-tune jazz on a radio, but that\u2019s as close as this came to having any score. The only other \u201cmusic\u201d present was a couple dramatic noise flares to signify when something shocking was goings on.<\/p>\n

As for the Credits, you almost get the standard White-Font, Black-Backdrop Scroll, but they forgot to include all the cast and the words were all fuzzy. All-in-all, a pretty lackluster affair, I must say.<\/p>\n

[BOND\u2014JIMMY, BOND (BARRY NELSON)]<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Body Bags Filled [01] Bedpost Notches [01*]<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

<\/strong><\/span>Well, since this was the first filmed performance of James Bond, I\u2019ll cut Nelson some slack. He sucked. Alright, perhaps I\u2019m being a bit harsh, but an American James Bond? It makes my flesh crawl. To be fair, the guy does an OK job and to his credit he almost manages to appear cool and intimidating, and as far as hansom-wise, I guess. I mean, is this what got 50s chicks hot under the apron? I dunno and I don\u2019t really want to.<\/p>\n

*All he does is kiss the girl. But this was made in 1954 and kissing on television was practically like butt-humping during the Super Bowl half-time show nowadays. So, I counted it.<\/p>\n

[THE BOND VILLAIN]<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Peter Lorre is Le Chiffre<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

\u201cIf you continue to be THAT obstinate, I\u2014I\u2019ll have to tortu-YOU\u2019ll BE TORTURED TO THE EDGE OF MADNESS! Believe me, you have no hope whatsoever, you hear? NONE!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Peter Lorre is awesome. He actually made the boring-as-Hell 50 minutes worth watching. Which I assure you, is no small feat. Now I thought that the role of Le Chiffre was done perfect in the \u201806 version of the story by Mads Mikkelsen, but if I take into effect just how shitty and uninteresting everything else was in this 1954 version\u2014Peter Lorre deserved a Oscar for this portrayal. His little stout stature and toad-like features matched much closer to how I pictured the character in the book, and come on\u2014it\u2019s Peter Lorre! You couldn\u2019t find a better actor to play the villain back then. So, I risk being redundant, but Lorre was THE reason to watch the show.<\/p>\n

[THE BOND GIRL]<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Linda Christian is Valerie Mathis<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Vesper Lynd mixed with Rene Mathis. Ewww! Wait, only in name and occupation. Valerie is an undercover French Agent and thankfully, spends most of her screen time gagged and tied to the wall. In the backstory, the poor girl was smitten with the dangerously dashing Jimmy Bond and foolishly fell in love. But that was then, this is now and now, Valerie is working for Le Chiffre. OK, she doesn\u2019t really like her new boss, so I guess she isn\u2019t a complete bitch. But, as this is the 50s, the program has little use for her other than a scandalous kiss to get the sexually repressed viewer\u2019s long-johns moist and to hang around the third act so Bond can have someone to save besides himself. Which of course means, \u201cThe bitch is(n\u2019t) dead.\u201d. I think \u2018Meh\u2019 sums up her character pretty well.<\/p>\n

[THE BEST BOND-AID]<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

Well, Bond uses a screwdriver to hide his winning baccarat check\u2026<\/p>\n

[BOND’S GREATEST HITS]<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The Body Count [01] The Best Fight and The Most Satisfying Death<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Bond kicks the shit out of Le Chiffre\u2019s main henchman Basil, Fifties Style! That of course means three awkward punches and an \u201cOof!\u201d sound. Hardcore! But it gets better, a minute later, Bond finishes poor Basil off with an off-screen gunshot! Talk about obscene gratuitous violence\u2014I for one found it quite disturbing.<\/p>\n

[HIS WORD IS HIS BOND]<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

Best Witticism:<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Leiter:<\/span> \u201cAren\u2019t chu the fella who was shot?\u201d
\n<\/strong> Bond:<\/span> \u201cNaw, I\u2019m the fella who was missed!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

That\u2019s about as witty as Bond gets and as for cracking sexual puns, forget about it. I\u2019m still surprised they allowed that kiss to make it on the air.<\/p>\n

[THE MISSION DEBRIEF]<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

Bond:<\/span> \u201cI\u2019m no hero, I don\u2019t like pain, but I can tell you one thing right now\u2014you won\u2019t get anything outta me! Pain and killing is part of my job\u2026\u201d
\n<\/strong> Le Chiffre:<\/span> \u201cAnd of mine too, Mr. Bond.\u201d
\n<\/strong> Bond:<\/span> \u201cHahahI\u2019ll bet chuuu LOVE IT!\u201d
\n<\/strong> Le Chiffre:<\/span> \u201cHow did you find out!?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I guess the question is: Am I glad I watched it?\u2026 Yeah, I guess so. If for nothing else I can feel slightly more complete in my action movie pilgrimage, but it\u2019s not something I\u2019m going to brag about having seen. For the time, this must have been to the TV viewers, what LOST is to me now. Riveting and unbeatable. And it\u2019s also the most accurate portrayal of the book that\u2019s been made so far. That has to count for something, right? I don\u2019t know. In the end the whole thing took less than an hour, it had some fairly quotable lines and it\u2019s cool to see Peter Lorre play the first ever Bond villain, so all-in-all, it wasn\u2019t that bad.<\/p>\n

[THE 007 SEVEN]<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

[\u00a0 ] Destroys Evil Doer’s Lair
\n[\u00a0 ] Drinks or Orders a Vesper Martini
\n[X] Gets Captured and\/or Tortured
\n[\u00a0 ] Introduces Himself As \u201cBond\u2014James, Bond\u201d
\n[X] Teams-Up With Felix Leiter*
\n[\u00a0 ] Uses Judo or a Walther PPK to Dispose of an Enemy
\n[X] Wears a Tux<\/strong><\/h2>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

*In a way. Bond works with a Clarence Leiter, who must be Felix’s British cousin.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a> <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

RANTBO will return in (a breakdown of) DR. NO<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[THE CLASSIFIED INTEL] Casino Royale (1954): Breakdown by Rantbo Special (American) Combined Intelligence Agent Jimmy Bond is on a mission to win a game of baccarat and clean-out a Soviet Agent named Le Chiffre, thus removing his pot to piss in and forcing him to golden shower the steps of lady liberty with his commie … Read moreBond Breakdown: Special Entry: Climax! Casino Royale (1954)<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[1260],"class_list":["post-1111","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-rantbo-breakdown-casino-royale-1954"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1111","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1111"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1111\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1111"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1111"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allouttabubblegum.com\/new-home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1111"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}