August 2009

Models of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Aztec Gold

August 30, 2009 by Rant

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003): Breakdown by Rantbo Johnny Depp is sexy—Arrrrr! [THE EXECUTION] Mystery and excitement abound in this thrilling high-seas pirate adventure, based on one of Walt Disney’s most beloved theme park rides!—And it’s sentences like that in the original add campaigns and reviews that … Read moreModels of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Aztec Gold

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete

August 28, 2009 by kain424

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete (2009) Breakdown by Kain424 Cloud Strife and the rest of AVALANCHE have to get over all their emotional baggage in order to once again save the world from a life destroying threat. Moping, philosophizing, and physics-defying action ensue. [THE EXECUTION] Where to start? Final Fantasy VII: Advent … Read moreFinal Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete

Bond Breakdown #03: Goldfinger (1964)

August 25, 2009 by Rant

[THE CLASSIFIED INTEL] Goldfinger (1964): Bond Breakdown by Rantbo The Bank of England contacts MI:6 with a request that they investigate a gold dealer they suspect of smuggling and stockpiling large amounts of bullion. They want to know why, and how, he is transporting said gold overseas. So of course, top agent James Bond 007 … Read moreBond Breakdown #03: Goldfinger (1964)

American Ninja (1985) Killcount

April 18, 2024August 24, 2009 by kain424

American Ninja (1985)

Starring Michael Dudikoff and Steve James

The Karate 22 Year-Old

August 21, 2009 by kain424

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Karate Kid (1984): Breakdown by Kain424 Weakling learns the Karate Way to save himself from bullying. America becomes obsessed with martial arts. [THE EXECUTION] Ah, the 80s. We saw the perfection of the police procedural film, the emergence of Hong Kong’s heroic bloodshed movies, the 80s Action hero, and the revival of … Read moreThe Karate 22 Year-Old

10 To Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Naked

August 20, 2009 by Rant

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] 10 To Midnight (1983): Breakdown by Rantbo Liberal justice system protects woman killer. Bronson hate woman killer—BRONSON SMASH WOMAN KILLER! [THE EXECUTION] Charles Bronson plays hard-boiled conservative cop, Leo Kessler, hot on the trail of a woman-hating psychopathic serial killer. And bears shit in the woods. To say that this is a by-the-book, … Read more10 To Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Naked

Crime Lords

June 24, 2023August 19, 2009 by kain424

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Crime Lords (1991): Breakdown by Rutledal Two cops specializing in auto theft cases go to Hong Kong to arrest a crime lord and save their careers. [THE EXECUTION] Before I even start talking/writing about the movie I have to devote some time to the dvd cover, and its designer who most certainly never … Read moreCrime Lords

OneChanbara [Oh-Nay Chawn Bar-Uh][Tit-A’s & Zomb-A’s]

August 15, 2009 by Rant

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] OneChanbara: The Movie (Big-Sister Sword-Fighting)(2008): Breakdown by Rantbo Japanese pop-models fight off legions of kung-fu fighting zombies, with samurai swords and double-barrel shotguns—while wearing bikinis and leather catsuits. There is nothing about that sentence that I don’t like. [THE EXECUTION] Right away, the premise for this film sounds like pure win, but the … Read moreOneChanbara [Oh-Nay Chawn Bar-Uh][Tit-A’s & Zomb-A’s]

Police Story 4: Snow Banks and Shark Tanks

August 13, 2009 by Rant

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Police Story 4: First Strike a.k.a. Ging chaat goo si 4: Ji gaan daan yam mo (1996)(The Kain424 Cut: Which Combines The Original Hong Kong Cut With The Heavily Edited American One): Breakdown by Rantbo Jackie Chan fights for America in his biggest action film to come out the month of February 1996. … Read morePolice Story 4: Snow Banks and Shark Tanks

Dirty Mary Crazy Larry & Complacent Deke

August 11, 2009 by Rant

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Dirty Mary Crazy Larry (1974): Breakdown by Rantbo An asshole, a slut and a grease monkey get chased by cops. VROOM VROOM! SCREECH! CRASH!!! [THE EXECUTION] After seeing this film referenced in several Tarantino flicks, I broke down and decided to order myself a copy of the damn thing, if for nothing else … Read moreDirty Mary Crazy Larry & Complacent Deke