20 BIGGEST MOST BAD-ASS GUNS
IN ACTION MOVIE HISTORY
I don’t know what Sigmund Freud would have to say about the action genre’s quest for “Who Has The Biggest Gun?” and I don’t care. I just want to know who wins. To make this a little bit more fair and to narrow my list down to 20 candidates, I have taken out the possibility of rocket launchers, laser guns, tanks, or battleships… But don’t worry, there’s still some big-ass guns. Jason Bourne, get outta the locker room or prepare to be humiliated, here come the 20 Biggest, Most Bad-ass Guns EVER!
Some Honorable Mentions:
-The Guitarcase Machine Guns
Being made from MAC-10’s, I wouldn’t really call them big per se, but they sure look cool. Aside from the guitarcase with the rocket launcher, these are the highlight of the gunfight at the end of Desperado.
-Dirty Harry’s Harpoon Gun
Earlier in the flick, we get to see Slash from Guns ‘N Roses wield this thing. Later, Eastwood sticks a guy to a wall with this behemoth. Not what I mean when I say “gun”, this is left off of the list but it sure makes The Dead Pool fun to watch.
–Sex Machine’s gun (From Dusk ‘Til Dawn)
Sure, it’s not exactly huge, but it’s the biggest cod-piece gun I’ve ever seen.
–Joker’s gun in Batman
While only a .38 caliber Smith & Wesson 15-3 special, this gun has a ridiculous, 20-inch barrel. If you were uncertain about whether or not this film was about metaphorical penis size until this point, you had better be damned convinced after this scene is over.
Since I’ve excluded rocket launchers and laser guns from my list, I couldn’t very well add in this plasma gun. Dubbed the “bio-force gun”, I’m certain you can think of another anagram. I just wanna know why there’s a flashlight attached.
–The Death Stars I & II
Laser guns. They’re fucking huge, but they’re still lasers.
20. Movie: The Terminator
Weapon: AMT Hardballer .45 Longslide with laser sighting
Yeah, this one isn’t exactly huge but it’s the first one on the list. With it’s extended barrel the gun’s shape becomes a bit more threatening, and the top-mounted laser sighting helps make it even cooler. Oh, and there’s a killer cyborg shooting it. Sweet.
19. Movie(s): Dirty Harry series, Red Heat
Weapon: S&W .44 Magnum
Perhaps one of the most iconic weapons ever created, Harry uses this gun in place of the standard .38 caliber because of it’s lethal power. And probably because even if you missed, this gun’s thunder-like sound would cost criminal scum the cleanliness of their undergear. It makes up for the goofy hairstyles as well!
18. Movie(s): Commando, Predator 2, Last Action Hero, Snatch, Eraser, etc.
Weapon: Desert Eagle .50 caliber
Another massive handgun with stopping power, the Desert Eagle point-five-oh is the ultimate handgun. Look at Danny Glover’s in Predator 2! Look at that thing! And check out the bullets:
17. Movie: Planet Terror
Weapon: M4 Carbine with M203 grenade launcher
Imagine that you’re an ex-stripper with only one leg, amidst a world plunged into terror and chaos with virus infected, flesh-ripping zombie mutants out to kill you at every turn. What do you do? You replace your missing leg with and M4 Carbine assault rifle capable of firing up to 950 rounds per minute with an M203 grenade launcher attachment! What do you mean, “That’s ridiculous!”? It could happen!
16. Movie: The Dogs of War, Terminator 2
Weapon: Manville 25mm Projectile Launcher
Yeah, I didn’t know such beautiful things existed either. Originally designed to fire 12-gauge shotgun rounds, it can also fire grenade explosives and tear gas! Oh, the fun!
15. Movie: Braddock: Missing In Action 3
Weapon: H&K G3 with underslung 6 shot launcher
While the ability to fire up to 600 rounds per minute is nice, it’s the ability to blast explosive rounds into would-be rapists that is most appealing about this gun. If it’s good enough for Chuck Norris, it’s good enough for my list. Which brings us to…
14. Movie(s): First Blood, Missing In Action, First Blood part II, Commando, The Punisher
Weapon: M60 general purpose machine gun
The M60 is a gas-operated, belt-fed, air-cooled, automatic boomstick of doom. Through all the varied models, this gun could often weigh up to 20 lbs. or more. That means that you’d have to be made of muscles and the will to destroy in order to wield this demon. Shooting over 500 rounds per minute, this baby is top choice for the manly sport of mayhem and manslaughter on a massive scale. And it looks cool.
13. Movie: Rambo III
Weapon: FN MAG
An improvement on the M60 design, this gun fires about 1000 rounds per minute, and is guaranteed to destroy enemies close-up and far away. All of this comes in handy when facing off against an entire Russian battalion in the wide-open spaces of Afghanistan.
12. Movie: Red Scorpion
This dream gun features two barrels, one right above the other. Because of this, it is able to fire its high caliber rounds so fast that they will destroy basically anything. This includes range targets, human limbs, and assault helicopters.
11. Movie: Legionnaire
Weapon: .303 Lewis light machine gun
You will usually see this gun mounted across some sandbags and being fired by one man and loaded by another. In Legionnaire, JCVD skips out on having a partner and attempts to go all one-man army against a group of desert warriors, carrying 28 lbs. of destruction all by his Belgian self.
10. Movie: Death Wish 3
Weapon: .30 caliber Browning M1919 machine gun
Another gun meant to be mounted, but Charles Bronson is determined to clean of the streets of his city with the most deadly mop ever invented. Weighing in at 31 lbs., Bronson has his neighbor do the loading while he does the shooting. That’s fucking teamwork!
9. Movie: Eraser
Weapon: EM-1 rifle
This, my friends, is a railgun. One of these things can blast through a wall and still hit its human target, sending them flying tens of feet into the air. Naturally, Schwarzenegger wields two at once. He’s bad-ass like that.
8. Movie: Aliens
Weapon: M56 Smart Guns
If the Joker thinks he is king of the phallic weaponry, he’d better be prepared to lose that particular metaphorical battle. The M56 Smart Guns of Aliens are strapped on with a steadi-cam mount, making them look like massive extensions of their users uh, egos.
7. Movie(s): Last Action Hero, The Matrix, Best of the Best 3, Predator, Terminator 2
Weapon: The minigun
Ranging from ridiculously large to ridiculously small, the poorly-named minigun is probably the most recognizable big-ass gun on this list. And with the ability to fire 4,000 to 6,000 rounds per minute, I’d say this gun more than earns its reputation for being a lethal monstrosity. Usually found mounted on either helicopters or land vehicles, there have only actually been a few action heroes to wield the GE M134 by hand. In Predator, the gun has been dubbed ‘Old Painless’… I’m pretty sure, however, that it would still hurt to get shot by with gun. The one in Terminator 2 has been modified with a chainsaw grip.
THE SNIPER RIFLES
6. Movie: Silent Trigger
Weapon: .50 caliber Research Armaments Model 500 sniper rifle
Sniper rifles are pretty sweet, and this one is about the sweetest I’ve ever seen. And look at the lead bananas they have to load it with!
5. Movie: Rambo
Weapon: .50 caliber Barrett M82CQ sniper rifle
Pretty much the second biggest gun in Rambo, this gun utterly destroys its targets and sends them flying back as well.
OF UNKNOWN QUANTITY
4. Movie: Police Story 3
Weapon: M2 or M1 maybe.
I’m not exactly sure as to what this gun is, but Jackie mounts it briefly and it seems to kick a lot of ass. Probably should have camped it like Rambo though.
THE TOP THREE
3. Movie: Rambo III
Weapon: Browning M2 Heavy Barreled .50 caliber
In the middle of the battle with the Russians, Rambo has run out of ammo for his FN MAG. What does he do? He jumps on this baby, right here. Truck-mounted, and without any armor, Rambo doesn’t spend the whole fight here, but it sure is awesome while it lasts. He also takes down a helicopter with a targeting scope-mounted one of these babies. Which brings us to…
2. Movie: Rambo
Weapon: Browning M3 Anti Aircraft machine gun
Did you get that? An anti-AIRCRAFT gun. Rambo uses it to kill a guy so close he could Eskimo-kiss the barrel. Then he proceeds to mow down waves of enemy soldiers, who burst apart like water balloons filled with Hawaiian Punch and strawberry jelly. Overkill? Shit. This is fucking genocide.
AND NUMBER ONE
1. Movie: Red Scorpion
Now, I don’t have any idea what in the hell this thing is, but it certainly seems effective against tanks. It is delivered to Dolph Lundgren in the midst of the film’s final battle by M. Emmett Walsh, and appears to be some sort of truck-mounted cannon. This monster is so large that it doesn’t even have a trigger. Arthur Fonzarelli couldn’t get this beast to fire with both fists and a wish. In fact, 6′ 5” Swedish monstrosity, Dolph Lundgren, has to donkey-punch the giant apparatus just to get it to fire.
[flashvideo filename=videos/DonkeyPunch.wmv.FLV /]
Well, that is all for now. I hope you enjoyed the show. Feel free to comment on the size of my uh, guns.