I’m not usually the type to toot my own horn (unless I’m outta money! Amirite?), but as July is the marking or AllOuttaBubbleGum’s third anniversary, I thought I’d take a look back.
Every now and then I go back and re-read old articles and breakdowns, occasionally cringing and almost as often laughing at some of the lame jokes. But mostly, I love looking at the screenshots. We pick them, for the most part, because they’re images that catch our eye in a special enough way to deserve saving and sharing with others. So, without further bullshitting, I present to you my 10 favorite of the last three years (or two, if you want to get technical).
10. Rant goes overboard with the CENSORED image (10 To Midnight)
Early on, we decided we would block out nudity to keep our site somewhat Safe For Work. This developed into a something of a running gag for a while where we would place it onto scandalous areas of photos to just barely cover up said nudity or even put it on inappropriate pics to make them seem dirtier. In 10 To Midnight, the killer slays his victims in the nude, and Rant probably got the most use out of the CENSORED image where there were mirrors or multiple breasts paired with the killer. When I asked him about the above image, he told me that “The killer’s knife is essentially his dick, so I censored that, too.”
9. Randomly Epic Shot! (The Magic Crystal)
Rather than film an entire chase sequence where an assassin stalks his prey, the film makers of The Magic Crystal decided a simple shot (with what may be the most evil-looking foot ever filmed) stepping into the foreground would do. This is both hilarious and impressive.
8. Machine-Gun Joe Beats A Ho (Machine-Gun Joe)
When Charles Bronson turns and decks out Susan Cabot, I was absolutely stunned. Not only was the moment a sudden and unexpected one (though I’d wanted to punch her out a couple of times over the course of the film), it looked real! Rather than use yet another clip (I’d used one for the best line), I decided to take a few of the best frames and place them in order. It’s the final frame, with Cabot’s twisted, goofy expression that still makes me think ol’ Bronson may have actually let her have it.
7. 2 Fast, Too Curious (2 Fast, 2 Furious)
Sometimes there’s a frame in a movie that spills out WAY too much information and most people will never catch it. Unless you screenshot it. In the scene, Tyrese starts oogling a woman before Paul Walker grabs him by the peck and pulls him away. What you may have missed was the imagery involved in the scene. A woman in front of them, Walker pulls Tyrese backward, by the breast, toward a group of color-matching (most likely) gay guys. This image is so pure it could not have been an accident. That’s just one of the many reasons the movie remains on of the gayest ever made.
6. Brandon Lee Drowns In Patriotism (Laser Mission)
In another conscious choice by a director, Brandon Lee is getting debriefed by his superiors after mission while sitting at the most American table ever set. It’s clear the director and the set designer didn’t think audiences would buy that they’re agents for the United States so the whole frame is ridiculously cluttered with flags. Michael Bay wishes he’d thought of it.
5. The Transformers Piss Away All Good Will (Transformers)
Speaking of Bay, as of today, the third Transformers movie is now in theaters. I urge all of you to hold onto your money or buy something more worthwhile… like dead goldfish or two gallons of day-old milk. This screenshot perfectly exemplifies everything wrong with the big-screen adaptation. Something horrible and unfunny doing something else horrible and unfunny to something with far more potential. Everything else that’s wrong with the Transformers movies can be found in this shot.
4. The Fast And The Furious: Point Break (The Fast And The Furious)
There aren’t just an influx of sequels and remakes hitting Hollywood every year, but also straight-up rip-offs of other movies. And as much as it seems they didn’t even try to hide the similarities between the two movies, Rant took that concept to another lever, doing the shittiest copy and paste job imaginable in order to make that very point (break).
3. Chuck is SOOO Gay (The Octagon)
In this scene, Norris tries to pretend he’s a newlywed who’s been having a loud and wild time with his bride in the hotel room (it was actually a ninja fight). The racket has aroused the suspicions of the hotel staff, and so we have here a shot of Chuck doing his pretending. Unfortunately, the guy just comes off as ridiculously and hilariously gay, and that’s just his voice. Look at that screenshot and tell me different.
2. Charles Bronson Knows What It’s For (10 To Midnight… again)
In one of cinema’s great moments in unintentional comedy, Bronson shoves some manner of penis pump in the face of a suspect being interrogated and demands to know if it’s for “jacking off”. When Rant showed me this scene, I half-jokingly suggested he should make a kind of motivational poster for that (as the meme is a favorite of mine). He did, and with flying colors.
1. Seagal Runs (Above The Law)
Look at that face. That is absolute fear, my friends. The guy went into that alley with several of his friends, grinning giddily at the inevitable victory ahead. A severed hand and a few lethal Aikido moves later and the tables have turned drastically. If he’s not pissing himself it’s because his body won’t allow it to happen while he’s running. But even more worrisome is the scrawny (!), birdlike Seagal, spinning his arms like a windmill as he begins his pursuit. That is a fucking screenshot. Titled simply “Terror Justified”, that is how it’s done.
Thanks for sticking around, guys!